This is my outline for an essay I am to write. I spent a lot of time working on it and I'm really stuck at some parts of it. The essay is a compare/contrast one between the play and the film made in 2000. I have trouble with sentences with * on them. Can anyone PLEASE help me as much as you can?

PARAGRAPH I (INTRODUCTION)
A. Basis of Comparison:
Same characters with altered traits.
B. Central idea:
In the play and film “Hamlet,” the change of setting from Elizabethan Elsinore to Modern New York accentuates changes in character traits.
C. Thesis statement:
The effect caused by the change in temporal and physical setting is demonstrated through the change in societal roles of characters and their means of behavioural communication.

PARAGRAPH II & III
A. Play
TOPIC SENTENCE
In Elizabethan times, respect and obedience to authority governed the relationships between all members of society.

1. King Claudius and Gertrude are regarded with high respect in the Elizabethan times since they have authority over Denmark, a political state.
2. * (I have trouble coming up with another idea, I originally had one to do with Polonius but I had to scrap that. Can anyone suggest something I can add to my topic sentence other than respect and obedience that were different in Elizabethan times compared to modern times)
3. Ophelia demonstrates that a father’s order is the final word when she obeys her father’s command to stop seeing Hamlet. * (is this one ok?)

CONCLUDING SENTENCE
Roles as authorial figures grant characters rights and obligations which are never broken in Elizabethan times.

B. Film
TOPIC SENTENCE
Modern time permits freedoms that Elizabethan times did not allow; therefore the characters have more lenient social roles in comparison to the Elizabethan times.

1. King Claudius and Gertrude, heads of an American corporation, are regarded as important but do not have an air of authority over those that do not work for them.
2. * (see above for part 2)
3. Although Ophelia’s protests rarely have a voice, the pain of loss easily read on her face and her silence indicate her secret wishes to disobey her father. * (This sounds awkward and I need help rewording it)

CONCLUDING SENTENCE
Lack of authority in social roles in Modern times allows freedom of expression in relationships amongst characters.

PARAGRAPH IV & V
A. Play
TOPIC SENTENCE
Lack of mood enhancers determines the true behaviour of the characters.*

1. Hamlet’s soliloquies are cast in solitude with a lack of busyness in the atmosphere allowing no distraction to alter his disposition of vengeful behaviour.
2. The conversation between Rosencrantz, Guildenstern and Hamlet, although at first is dishonest, maintains sincerity since it is not enhanced by any influence other than their mission.* (I feel like this has nothing to do with physical setting. Can anyone suggest anyway to improve this?)
3. Hamlet’s encounter with Ophelia is within the walls of the castle which suggests that is the reason for his strange behaviour.* (I feel like this has nothing to do with physical setting. Can anyone suggest anyway to improve this?)

CONCLUDING SENTENCE
The only form of deceivers is words when communicating in the play.

B. Film
TOPIC SENTENCE
The addition of visual elements to the film contrasting with the lack of them in the play brings about significant alterations to the characters’ behaviour.

1. Hamlet, who is a film student, casts all his soliloquies in visual context due of the increase of technology in the Modern time compared to the Elizabethan times, which contribute to his depression and anger since he is able to see what angers him.* (I need help rewording this)
2. The atmosphere of the club scene which is enhanced by vibrant colours and debauchery has a double play on Rosencrantz news of honesty.
3. Red lighting promotes a romantic setting as Hamlet gives Ophelia the letter with nothing but expressions of longing on his face.

CONCLUDING SENTENCE
Visual aid allows a double play on communication in the film.

PARAGRAPH VI (CONCLUSION)
A. Reaffirm basis of comparison
The film maintains the same characters as the play.
B. Remind reader of central idea/thesis
Although the film maintains the same characters as the play, the significant change of temporal and physical setting provide alterations in character traits.
C. Emphasize/summarize key points on contrast
The change of societal roles is brought on by the decrease of authority. The change in behavioural communication is brought on by the increase of technology.

Not having seen the film made in 2000, I cannot help you with the content from that angle.

But I can tell you that you don't have a true thesis statement yet. It's all fact, no opinion -- no position, no stance. Just what is it you intend to prove?

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

I am trying to prove that setting changes character. My teacher approved my thesis already, but if you can please help me improve it I'd be grateful. I'm having difficulty rewriting what I already wrote. Can you also please help me with the Hamlet play part. If I can get that done well I won't have that much of a problem with the movie parts. Most of my sentences need rewording because they're too wordy. Thank you so much for the help!

B. Central idea:

In the play and film Hamlet, the change of setting from Elizabethan Elsinore to Modern New York accentuates changes in character traits.
C. Thesis statement:
The effect caused by the change in temporal and physical setting is demonstrated through the change in societal roles of characters and their means of behavioural communication.

I think your central idea is a better stated thesis statement than your current thesis statement! It's clear and succinct.

For Paragraph II, A2, you might include that, even though Hamlet was upset and angry with his mother and uncle, he did not display his anger in public at first -- only in soliloquys.

For Paragraph IV, A2 and 3, you can concentrate on the publicness of those encounters -- no house or building that is anyone's private space, private residence (unlike Hamlet's visit to his mother in her room). "Publicness" could be interpreted as non-threatening, out in the open, etc.

I hope these ideas help.

=)

It seems like you have put in a lot of effort into your essay outline! I will try my best to help you with the parts where you are stuck. Here are some suggestions for the sentences with * that you mentioned:

PARAGRAPH II & III:
2. Instead of focusing solely on respect and obedience, another idea you could explore in the topic sentence for the Play section is the importance of social hierarchy in Elizabethan times. This could include aspects like class distinctions or the belief in the divine right of kings.
3. Your idea about Ophelia obeying her father's command is indeed a valid point.

PARAGRAPH IV & V:
2. For the Play section, you are correct that the idea mentioned doesn't seem directly related to the physical setting. To improve this, you could focus on the intimate and private nature of conversations within the castle walls, which allows for more honesty and sincerity in communication compared to the public appearances characters must maintain.
3. Similarly, for the Play section, you could highlight how the oppressive atmosphere within the castle walls influences Hamlet's strange behavior, indicating the impact of the physical setting on his mental state.

PARAGRAPH IV & V (contd.):
1. For the Film section, you can reword the idea by mentioning how the increase in technology in modern times enables Hamlet to visually capture and express his emotions, intensifying his depression and anger.
2. You can explain that the vibrant colors and debauchery in the club scene create a contrast with Rosencrantz's news of honesty, suggesting that appearances can be deceiving in the modern setting.
3. You can mention that the use of red lighting in the romantic setting enhances the longing and desire expressed by Hamlet to Ophelia.

I hope these suggestions help you further develop your essay. Good luck with your writing!