Revise the following paragraph until you can answer yes to each of the questions listed below. After you are finished, copy the revised paragraph in the space provided.
1. Does the paragraph have a clear purpose, and does each sentence contribute to that purpose?
2. Is every word and sentence appropriate for the intended audience?
3. Does the topic sentence state the main idea directly, without being too broad or too narrow?
Revision also involves a careful look at the development of the paragraph. Work on your first draft until you can answer yes to each of the following questions.
1. Are there enough details, facts, examples, or reasons to support the main idea, and are these the strongest possible ones?
2. Have any sentences that merely repeat the main idea instead of developing it been eliminated?
3. Is the method of organization the best possible one?
4. Is the paragraph coherent--that is, are the sentences clearly and logically connected to one another through the use of repeated words and synonyms, pronouns, and transitions?
Many names for groups are quite interesting. Group names were commonly used at one time. Now only a few of them are ubiquitous, such as "a pride of lions" or "a school of fish." Yet some of the group names are very really neat in describing; try, for instance, "a clutter of cats," "a cry of hounds," or "a knot of toads." Other names hitch onto what the animal is like: "a charm of goldfinches," "a skulk of foxes," or "an exaltation of larks." Finally, there are names that have no obvious meaning, such as "a gam of whales" or "a grist of bees." I used to know even more of these unusual names. All of these names lend variety to the language.
The paragraph has a clear purpose, which is to discuss interesting group names for animals. Each sentence contributes to that purpose by providing examples and descriptions.
The word and sentence choice in the paragraph is appropriate for the intended audience. The paragraph uses simple and descriptive language that is easy to understand.
The topic sentence states the main idea directly: "Many names for groups are quite interesting." It is neither too broad nor too narrow, as it captures the general idea of the paragraph.
There are enough details, facts, examples, and reasons to support the main idea. The paragraph provides numerous examples of group names for animals, such as "a pride of lions" and "a charm of goldfinches." These examples strengthen the main idea by showcasing the variety and uniqueness of these names.
There are no sentences that merely repeat the main idea instead of developing it. Each sentence in the paragraph adds new information or expands upon the topic of group names.
The method of organization in the paragraph is effective. The paragraph follows a pattern of introducing different types of group names, including ones that describe the animal and ones that have no obvious meaning. This organization helps to keep the reader engaged and interested.
The paragraph is coherent, as the sentences are clearly and logically connected to one another. The use of repeated words, synonyms, pronouns, and transitions helps to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. For example, the use of words like "neat," "interesting," and "unusual" throughout the paragraph connects the sentences and maintains a cohesive theme.
Revised Paragraph:
Many names for groups of animals are quite interesting. These group names were commonly used in the past, but now only a few of them are well-known, such as "a pride of lions" or "a school of fish." However, some of these names are really neat in how they describe the animals. Just consider "a clutter of cats," "a cry of hounds," or "a knot of toads." Other group names are based on the characteristics of the animals, like "a charm of goldfinches," "a skulk of foxes," or "an exaltation of larks." Lastly, there are names that seem to have no obvious meaning, such as "a gam of whales" or "a grist of bees." I used to know even more of these unusual names. All of these names add variety to the language and make it more colorful.