history

Hey , can someone please tell me if this sounds good so far about the causes of World war I, and if not please give me your input.

While President Woodrow Wilson was having political issues with Mexico, anxiety between European countries was increasing. Some issues that triggered the problem were complex alliances, naval race, and concern over nationalism. This cause Europe to form a system of alliances. World War I also recognized as the Great War started on July 28, 1914, and is one of the major wars in history. In June 1914, Archduke Francis Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary was murdered while touring in Sarajevo with his wife Sophia. Gavrilo Princip, who was a member of the Serbian nationalist group, shot the couple. Serbian official wanted this tragedy to occur in order to start war. Additional, aspects were the imperialistic, territorial, and economic competition that had been growing from the late 1900’s.

Sarah: Have your proofed this yourself? It is full of grammatical and punctuation errors.
But of more concern is the content. The second sentence (this caused Europe to form a system of alliances). What caused it? Was it the anxiety? Or what.
The third sentence does not fit. Isn't the subject the causes of WWI? Why did the assignation start the war? Explain this please. The last sentence probably is the most important, and begs for amplification. Wars are fought because somebody sees gain, and others see that they need to stave off loss.
So, you have the beginnings, but it begs for editing, proofing, and amplification.

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asked by Sarah
  1. how would great Britain be affected if Americans closed their ports to the British ?

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    posted by brian

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