can someone proofread this for me and make comments.. thanks
Compare and Contrast / A College Education
Patrick Allitt maintains that Undergraduates should be able to Specialize and that liberal arts are a matter of choice for those undecided, but that specialization be granted for those that know what they want to pursue in his essay (“Should Undergraduates Specialize?,” Chronicle of Higher Education, 2006). In juxtaposition, the versatile and thinking world of the 21st Century which requires and allows individuals to change careers several times, pushing specialization and diminishing liberal arts is detrimental to ability of career transitions and possibilities.
The centralized system provided Allitt the ability in taking history courses while many of his classmates were also taking their desired, cherished, and intimate studies ranging from physics to medicine without being held back by spending their time on minutiae on liberal arts classes that were not required of the vocation. Learning is established through a tutorial system that is conducted once a week, with feedback that was direct, to the point, an very frank with tutors on their toes ready to provide an pinpoint any errors or adjustments needed to understand the concepts given.
As a product of the western educational structure tuition is paid and the only admission requirement is academic, anyone was allowed to go to college and have it paid for, as long as students were focused on a particular field. Relieving the anguish, headache and unworthyness of paying for books, board and general expenses. The nation through specialization was investing and creating national asset's by investing in its people.
Liberal arts is what learning is all about; it is a process. Getting more for the buck and sharing ideas. In order to learn in an advanced field you must know how to apply ideas. Just jumping into a centralized matter an having the focus of vocational learning will produce robots who don't have the capacity to question or think about new or different ideas. The learning Allitt was exposed to is similar to Binary code its on or off, right or wrong and certainly does not expand ones thoughts. Not teaching how to adapt , the liberal art of compromise is the ability to harness different ideas and reason about them among a multi cultural environment with a sense of ethics. Specialization buileds a level of ignorance which is malevolent. Based on his experience the specializtion menthod has a person get in and get out.
When time calls to adapt and react quickly the specailized person is not able to do so because they have to learn ancillary concepts. The lack in skills prevents people from interacting in the discussion of ideas and alternate possibilities. Liberal arts offers the ability to compromise from the exposure to other ideas. Liberal arts expands, renews, an refreshes students skill sets replacing the need to have to go back and learn something from lack of exposure.
Instead of being a product for the government students are a product igniting, setting forth, and blazing new trails to their success and becoming one's own best asset, its the application of their skills and knowledge that allows them to pursue any dream. Rather than having a job students will have a career that is fulfilling, full of enrichment, and worthwhile. Allitt's time reference is dated and inadequate for the world of thinking and technology of the 21st century.The conclusions are based on his experience and the nationalized British meritocratic system and what worked before does not work today.
Patrick Allitt maintains that Undergraduates<~~use lower-case "u" not the capiral should be able to Specialize<~~use lower-case "s" and that liberal arts are a matter of choice for those undecided, but that specialization be granted for those that<~~people are "who" not "that" know what they want to pursue in his essay<~~people are going to pursue what they want in his essay? (“Should Undergraduates Specialize?,” Chronicle of Higher Education, 2006).<~~non-standard parenthetical citation; are you supposed to follow MLA or APA guidelines? In juxtaposition, the versatile and thinking world of the 21st Century which requires and allows individuals to change careers several times, pushing specialization and diminishing liberal arts is detrimental to ability of<~~delete "ability of" - makes no sense career transitions and possibilities.
The centralized system provided Allitt the ability to take history courses while many of his classmates were also taking their desired, cherished, and intimate<~~??? studies ranging from physics to medicine without being held back by spending their time on <the minutiae of liberal arts classes that were not required for the vocation. Learning is established<~~You're using too many passive verbs in this; clarify by making sure all verbs are active. through a tutorial system that is conducted once a week, with feedback that was direct, to the point, an<~~??? very frank with tutors on their toes ready to provide an<~~??? pinpoint any errors or adjustments needed to understand the concepts given.
Your sentences make me think you're using wording (maybe whole sentences) directly from the original. You need to rephrase so this is worded in your own writing voice. You also need to revisit how you cite other people's work.
(Broken Link Removed)
See especially the sections on the left called Plagiarism, Using Quotations, and CITING SOURCES.
MLA
No these are all my words i did not quote anything but stated his position from his essays.. thanks
Overall, the content of your essay seems to discuss the debate between specialization and a liberal arts education in college. However, there are a few areas where you could improve the clarity and cohesiveness of your writing. I will provide some comments and suggestions for each paragraph:
Paragraph 1:
- The sentence "Patrick Allitt maintains that Undergraduates should be able to Specialize and that liberal arts are a matter of choice for those undecided..." is a bit long and confusing. Consider breaking it up into smaller sentences to improve readability.
- Instead of saying "juxtaposition," you can simply state that Allitt's perspective contrasts with the demands of the 21st Century.
- The sentence "pushing specialization and diminishing liberal arts is detrimental to ability of career transitions and possibilities" is a bit unclear. Try rephrasing it to make your point more explicit.
Paragraph 2:
- The sentence "The centralized system provided Allitt the ability in taking history courses while many of his classmates were also taking their desired, cherished, and intimate studies ranging from physics to medicine..." is also long and could be more concise. Try separating the different ideas into distinct sentences.
- The phrase "minutiae on liberal arts classes" seems a bit negative. Consider using a more neutral or positive term to describe liberal arts classes.
Paragraph 3:
- The sentence "As a product of the western educational structure tuition is paid and the only admission requirement is academic, anyone was allowed to go to college and have it paid for, as long as students were focused on a particular field" is complex. Try breaking it up into simpler sentences for clarity.
- The sentence "Relieving the anguish, headache and unworthyness of paying for books, board and general expenses" is unclear. Consider rephrasing it to make your point more explicit.
Paragraph 4:
- The sentence "Liberal arts is what learning is all about; it is a process" is a bit vague. Try explaining in more detail what you mean by "liberal arts is a process."
- The sentence "Not teaching how to adapt, the liberal art of compromise is the ability to harness different ideas and reason about them among a multi-cultural environment with a sense of ethics" is also unclear. Break it up into simpler sentences and provide more specific examples to support your argument.
Paragraph 5:
- The sentence "When time calls to adapt and react quickly the specialized person is not able to do so because they have to learn ancillary concepts" is unclear. Reword this sentence to make your point clearer.
- The sentence "The lack in skills prevents people from interacting in the discussion of ideas and alternate possibilities" could use more explanation. Support this statement with specific examples or evidence.
Paragraph 6:
- The sentence "Allitt's time reference is dated and inadequate for the world of thinking and technology of the 21st century" is unclear. Expand on this point and provide specific reasons why his perspective may not be applicable today.
- The sentence "The conclusions are based on his experience and the nationalized British meritocratic system and what worked before does not work today" is a bit repetitive. Consider rephrasing or combining this sentence with the previous one for better flow.
Remember, proofreading and comments are subjective, so feel free to use or ignore any suggestions that you find helpful or not.