Hello and thanks for starting reading this post :) I have written a english narrative that has very very bad grammar and the rest... :D I would be very thankful if you could help me fix that narrative :) Here it is (BTW it is not a real story, I made it up cause I had no ideas xD):
Unexpected experience
Few weeks ago after day at school I was going to a shop called "Maxima". I was walking and thinking about what chockolade I should buy.
Suddenty, I herd a crash and a scream. I was very interested. I rushed the way I herd the crash. When I arrived I saw a lot of people looking at something, a little bent car and some bloody spots on congrete. I desired to see what people were looking at. It was a badly hurt man with a bent bicycle near to him. I was depressed and scared.
Noone thinked up to call an ambulance, so I did. By that time the driver that hit the man was very nervous, although he was not hurt at all. Few minutes later ambulance arrived. Paramedics ran to the hurt man, bandaged the wounds and checked the condition. They told everybody that his condition is very bad, but he should survive.
In the end they took the man and driven away. Later on even though paramedics told that the man life is safe I still felt sad. That was an experience I never want to have again!
... So yeah... This narrative is very bad! The repeating "I" are really annoying... Please help me :) Huge thanks in advance :)
Your English is very good! I wish some of our American students could do as well.
I've made my corrections in boldface.
A few weeks ago after day at school I was going to a shop called "Maxima". I was walking and thinking about what chocolate I should buy.
Suddenly, I heard a crash and a scream. Since I was very interested, I rushed the way toward the crash. When I arrived I saw a lot of people looking at something, a little bent car and some bloody spots on the concrete. Looking more closely I saw what people were looking at. It was a badly hurt man with a bent bicycle near to him. I was depressed and scared.
No one thought to call an ambulance, so I did. By that time the driver that hit the man was very nervous, although he was not hurt at all. A few minutes later an ambulance arrived. Paramedics ran to the hurt man, bandaged the wounds and checked the condition. They told everybody that his condition is very bad, but he should survive.
In the end they took the man and drove away. Later on, even though paramedics told that the man life is safe, I still felt sad. That was an experience I never want to have again!
A few
chocolate
Suddenly
I
heard
Thank you very very much :) sadmuffin(dot)net/cherrybam/graphics/comments-thank-you/thank-you024.gif
You're very welcome.
Certainly! I'd be glad to help you improve your narrative. Here's a revised version of your story:
Unexpected Experience
A few weeks ago, after a long day at school, I decided to visit a shop called "Maxima". As I walked, I contemplated which chocolate to buy.
Suddenly, I heard a loud crash followed by a piercing scream. My curiosity got the better of me, so I hurried in the direction of the noise. When I arrived, I saw a crowd of people gathered around something - a small car with noticeable damage and bloodstains on the concrete. It was a distressing sight.
Nobody had thought of calling an ambulance, so I took it upon myself to do so. The driver who had hit the man seemed extremely agitated, though he himself was unharmed. Within a few minutes, the ambulance arrived. Paramedics quickly rushed to tend to the injured man, providing first aid and assessing his condition. They informed everyone that his injuries were severe, but he was expected to survive.
Eventually, the paramedics took the man away in the ambulance. Despite their assurances about his safety, I couldn't shake off the feeling of sorrow. It was an experience I hoped never to encounter again.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions or if there's anything else I can assist you with.