I need help with editing my essay. I know my english sucks, so here I am. I need to know if it's FIRST AND FOREMOST on topic, grammatically correct, if the syntax is correct(i hate syntax), if my thesis is strong and repeated, and if it's a good essay overall.
The prompt: Discuss someone who has shaped who you are.
oh haha. i forgot to put up my essay:
Everyday we walk through life without realizing that the people around us are individual, that each of them touches our lives without us ever knowing; humans are inextricably connected, strangers in a crowd that unknowingly carry each other. I managed to poke my head past my unique world and take a look at this intricate system, managed to understand, the weight of everyone’s importance in life, and this glimpse shaped my ambitions and my perceptions of the world.
i love u
To evaluate your essay for topic relevance, grammar, syntax, thesis strength, and overall quality, we will need to examine each aspect individually. Let's start with the topic relevance.
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing someone who has shaped who you are. However, there is no mention of that person in the excerpt you provided. To assess the essay's topic relevance fully, we would need to read the entire piece.
Moving on to grammar and syntax, we can analyze the excerpt you provided. At first glance, there are some grammatical errors and unclear sentence structures. For example, the sentence "I managed to poke my head past my unique world and take a look at this intricate system, managed to understand, the weight of everyone’s importance in life, and this glimpse shaped my ambitions and my perceptions of the world" contains several instances where punctuation is missing or used improperly. Additionally, the sentence structure is convoluted, making it difficult to follow the intended meaning.
To improve the grammatical correctness and syntax, consider revising the sentence to something like: "I managed to break past the confines of my unique world and gained a glimpse into the intricacies of this interconnected system. Through this understanding, I recognized the significance of each person's life, and it has profoundly influenced my ambitions and perceptions."
Regarding your thesis, it would be helpful if you could provide the full essay. With the prompt in mind, ensure that your thesis explicitly states who has shaped you and how they have done so. Reflect on their influence and develop a clear argument throughout your essay.
Overall, without the complete essay, it is difficult to determine its quality. However, based on the excerpt provided, there are areas that can be improved, such as focus on the topic, grammar and syntax, and a strong, well-developed thesis statement. It would be beneficial to seek additional feedback by sharing the full essay with a trusted teacher, friend, or academic resource center.