I'm writing an essay and was wondering if this part was okay.
I was eager for this day to end and summer begin. Despite my eagerness, I was excited about the “surprise” guest the school had booked to make this day special for our graduating class.
Should I just say simplify it and say "I was excited.."
Yes.
"Despite my eagerness" doesn't belong with "I was excited."
You could insert "though" after "excited."
Ok, thanks so much Ms. Sue!
I'm sorry to bother again but would this work?
Despite my eagerness for the day to end, I was excited about the “surprise” guest the school had booked to make this day special for our graduating class.
Yes. That's very good!
Ah Yay! Thank you (:
You're welcome. :-)
When it comes to writing, it is important to strike a balance between clarity and originality. While simplifying your sentence to "I was excited" may make it more concise, it also removes some of the specific details that can engage the reader and add depth to your writing.
If you feel that the sentence could be improved, rather than simplifying it completely, consider rephrasing it to create a stronger impact. For example:
"I eagerly awaited the end of the day, eagerly anticipating the start of summer. However, there was an additional burst of excitement within me, fueled by the knowledge that our graduating class had an unexpected and mysterious guest booked to make this day truly memorable."
In this revised version, the sentence maintains the original idea of eagerness and excitement while providing more vivid details and a stronger emotional impact. Remember, the goal is to find a balance between clear and concise writing while also engaging your reader.