Mr. Pursley-
You have critiqued multiple essays of mine- is there recurrent mistake that I make? What can I do to make it go from a 5 to 6? Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
I cant answer that without seeing your outline and scratch paper.
In general, your organization is ok, a couple of them have weak conclusions, and a couple had weak supporting arguments. A couple were wordy. One in particular had readability problems, mainly long, complex sentences. Short sentences are much more effective.
I have evaluated college entrance and scholarship essays for several years. Most peer reviews say I am a slightly easy marker.
I have never known a student to get a 6 consistently. I don't see any specific recurrent mistakes in your essays.
For the essay we are only given 25 minutes, so my only planning is when i write what my examples will be. That's the only thing I write in the test booklet :
ex1: _____
ex2: _____
And that's it. And also, for my conclusions- I usually don't know how to wrap it up. One issue is that I don't know if I should say- "in conclusion", or "to wrap it up"- I'm not sure how to start it off. The second issue is, should I repeat my examples in the concluding paragraphs or just write something powerful that basically repeats my introduction but in a subtle manner? Thank you.
When I taught AP English, I taught students to use 25% of their time planning and 75% of their time writing that first draft and then editing/proofing it. If you're spending less than 25% of your time planning, then you're doing yourself a disservice.
Read and study this about conclusions:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/endings.htm
What other parts do you think you need help with?
I like that time breakdown, and recommend it. In 30 min, work for slightly more than 5 min (7-8 min) planning.
So, if I spend about 5-6 minutes planning what else would I write except for a couple of bullet points about my two main examples? Would it just be this:
ex1: _____
-something
-something
ex2: _____
-something
-something
Is that it?
Also, I think I need help as Mr. Pursley indicated earlier, in sentence structure. I have never been an amazing English or writing student- so any sort of website or even basic tips on how to condense my writing would really help. Thank you both so much.
To identify a recurrent mistake in your essays, I would need to review them individually and in detail. However, I can provide you with some general tips to help you improve your work and aim for a higher score of 6.
1. Focus on organization: Make sure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Begin with an introduction that clearly presents your main idea or argument, followed by well-developed body paragraphs that provide supporting evidence and examples. Finally, end with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
2. Enhance coherence and cohesion: Use transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This helps readers follow your line of thought and creates a cohesive and coherent essay.
3. Strengthen your thesis statement: Make sure your thesis is clear, specific, and arguable. Your thesis statement should guide the entire essay and provide a strong focus for your argument.
4. Develop your ideas fully: Provide ample evidence and examples to support your claims. Explain and analyze these in-depth to demonstrate your understanding of the topic. Avoid making broad statements without backing them up.
5. Improve your language use: Pay attention to grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Proofread your essays carefully to eliminate any errors. Additionally, work on incorporating a varied range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
6. Practice time management: Make a plan for each essay, allowing enough time for brainstorming, outlining, writing, and revision. This will help you allocate your time efficiently and ensure that you have sufficient opportunity for checking and refining your work.
In conclusion, addressing these key areas - organization, coherence, thesis development, supporting evidence, language use, and time management - can help elevate your essay from a score of 5 to 6. Remember, practice is crucial for improvement, so keep writing and seeking feedback to continuously refine your skills.