Background
You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human Resources Department arranges an
interview and tells you to bring with you a polished piece of writing for them to evaluate your writing skills. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why. In addition, you want to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience. Take time to think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and
formal business writing.
Process
1. Prewrite about your field of study and create a specific job for which you might want to apply
at a particular business or organization in your area. Outline what that position would look like.
Brainstorm details, names, titles, and facts to provide depth to your paragraph and enable you
to write a polished paragraph.
This is my first draft. Is this correctly written for my assignment?
I am extremely excited about beginning my career of computer support technician with you at Microdyne Computers. I look forward with great anticipation to the challenges of today’s ever changing computer industry. The computer industry has always been an interesting career to learn. It has always been a dream of mine to pursue, however my passion for computer support technician arose due to my personal experience with my friends and families computers. This inspired me to further my education into the computer support technician. I have maintained all computer systems, desktops and peripherals, such as, troubleshooting and repair, hardware, operating systems, software & Internet problems, upgrades. Computer problems sometimes can be stressful, but it’s never boring. I enjoy the challenge. With frequent training and keeping up with the latest technology and threats, I am able to identify problems quickly. My training has involved taking courses in PC Maintenance Repair and Computer Support Technician through Penn-Foster. I am also studying for my certificate CompTia A+. I am hard worker, honest, trustworthy, patient and reliable person. I have skill and am eager to learn and enjoy taking on new challenges. I am confident that I could make a valuable contribution to your company with my qualifications.
Hmmmm. Did you do this? << The paragraph must describe one particular experience you�ve had that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied.>>
I think not.
Secondly, buy not describing one particular experience, your draft falls into vague generalities, and a lot of hornblowing. The assignment did not ask for that, and in the real world, it makes the reader highly suspicious, if not ready to puke. Mdntioning Penn-Foster is probably not helping you either, since that school does not have a very good reputation for preparing anyone. I wouldn't mention it, but frankly, in this assignment it is not relevant, as the assignment is clear: d,,,,must describe one particular experience ....
Thanks,really appreciate you info on this...screwed up. How's this?
I am extremely excited about beginning my career as a computer support technician with you at Microdyne Computers. I look forward with great anticipation to the challenges of today’s ever changing computer industry. The computer industry has always been an interesting career to learn. It has always been a dream of mine to pursue, however my passion for computer support technician arose due to my personal experience with my friends and families computers. One day a friend called in a panic, she needed some important files from her computer for work and computer would not turn on. She also mentioned that a lightning storm had been in her area the previous night. She said she could smell something burning around her computer. At the time, I lived too far away to assist her so I advised her to take it to a repair shop, and have it looked at. A power surge had gone through and fried the motherboard. They were able to set her up with new computer and retrieve her data from her old hard drive. This inspired me to further my education as a computer support technician. I have repaired and maintained all computer systems, desktops and peripherals, such as, troubleshooting and repair, hardware, operating systems, software & Internet problems and upgrades. Computer problems sometimes can be stressful, but it’s never boring. I enjoy the challenge. With frequent training and keeping up with the latest technology and threats, I am able to identify problems quickly. My training has involved taking courses in PC Maintenance Repair and Computer Support Technician. I am also studying for my certificate CompTia A+. I am hard worker, honest, trustworthy, patient and reliable person. I have skill and am eager to learn and enjoy taking on new challenges. I am confident that I could make a valuable contribution to your company with my qualifications.
Good.
Thanks for all your help..
Your first draft is a good start, but it can be improved to better meet the requirements of your assignment. Here are some suggestions to enhance your paragraph:
1. Begin with a strong introductory sentence that grabs the reader's attention and briefly states the position you are applying for. For example, "As a passionate and dedicated computer support technician, I am thrilled at the opportunity to join Microdyne Computers and contribute to the ever-evolving field of technology."
2. In the next sentence, mention your enthusiasm for the challenges of the computer industry, but also explain why you find it interesting. This will show deeper thought and understanding. For instance, "The dynamic and fast-paced nature of the computer industry has always captivated me, as it constantly presents new and exciting opportunities for problem-solving and innovation."
3. When discussing your personal experience that inspired you to pursue a career in computer support, provide specific examples that highlight your skills and dedication. Instead of simply mentioning "friends and families computers," you could say, "Throughout the years, I have been the go-to person for my friends and family when their computers encountered technical issues. Whether it was troubleshooting and repairing hardware, resolving software glitches, or tackling internet connectivity problems, I thrived on the challenge and derived immense satisfaction from providing effective solutions."
4. Highlight your relevant education and training. Instead of just mentioning courses in PC maintenance and computer support technician, you could say, "To further deepen my knowledge and skills in computer support, I pursued formal education through Penn-Foster, where I completed comprehensive courses in PC Maintenance Repair and Computer Support Technician. Additionally, I am currently studying for my CompTia A+ certificate, which will further validate my expertise in the field."
5. In the final sentence, emphasize your professionalism and enthusiasm for learning and tackling new challenges. Rather than simply stating you are a hard worker, honest, trustworthy, patient, and reliable, provide specific examples that showcase these qualities and connect them to the position you are applying for. For example, "Known for my strong work ethic, integrity, and ability to remain calm and patient in high-pressure situations, I am determined to continuously update my knowledge and skills to stay up-to-date with the latest technology and threats. I thrive in an environment that encourages learning and embraces new challenges, and I am confident that my qualifications would greatly benefit your esteemed company."
By revising your paragraph using the above suggestions, you will create a more compelling and polished piece that effectively conveys your motivation, enthusiasm, and qualifications for the position you are applying for.