Grammar and Composition - Please help!

Can someone please check my essay?

Deserted Island Essay

The format for this essay should be based on the Five-Paragraph Essay format. Use the
following suggestions to create an island, details, and tone for your essay. As you read through the suggestions, you will realize that you could write pages for this assignment. However, you must select which items you want to include in your essay and which ones you want to leave out. The details must fit into a Five-Paragraph Essay. You will have to do a little research for this assignment to find an island and its location. The rest you can create.
• You are sent to a deserted island. Choose an island that is real, name the island and the
location. There will be no people on this island other than you and a companion. The
hotels, shopping malls, restaurants, houses, people etc. are no longer there.
• Where is the island located? What is the landscape, climate, vegetation, animals etc.?
What food supplies are available? How will food be gathered and prepared? Is water
available for drinking? Is it safe?
• You are banished by me. You will be on the island forever. This punishment will be
tempered with kindness. Since you have never seen me and don’t know me personally,
you can create characteristics about me. (You probably already have some kind of visual
image about me any way.) Why did I send you there? Do not include anything evil about
me or why you were sent.
• You may take a person of your choosing. It may be a male or a female who is alive, dead,
or fictional. No matter whom you choose, these will be no children. Explain why you are
taking this person.
• You may take three books with you. Please make them real books. You must give authors and titles. One year’s subscription to a magazine counts as one book, and this will be taken with you. Explain why you took these books.
• You are also allowed one suitcase for each person. Explain why and what you have taken in each suitcase.
• You may have already died and left a written legacy, or you may be still living and telling the story.
• You may use chronological organization and give a sequential account of events, or you
may use spatial order and order your information based on the arrangement of the island, or you may want to use topical arrangement and explain how the island is divided. You
decide which type of organization is best for the details that you want to include.

My Essay:

Laying on a beach in the Caribbean - I imagined it a little different. I was banished to an island by my teacher because I didn't submit my exams on time. On the bright side the island is beautiful, where I am, on the north-west side there are slopes down to the coast. I was allowed to bring a companion, so that I don't die of loneliness I brought my cousin. Seeing that there was little hope for returning home, I had to learn to adapt to my new home, find food and pass my time.
Since I knew adapting to the new surrounding wasn't going to be too easy, I brought 3 books to help prepare me for what might lie ahead; The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins because I need to keep myself entertained and I might find a few survival tips while I'm at it; SAS Survival Handbook by John Wiseman because it will not only give me tips on how to survive but also how to escape; and Nature's Garden : A Guide to Identifying, Harvesting, and Preparing Edible Wild Plants by Samuel Thayer because it will help me distinguish edible plants from poison ivy.
As I mentioned, The Nature's Garden book that I brought with me will help me distinguish some of the edible foods grown on the island, since I'm not a fan of cooking meat, I would much rather find and eat some vegetables, fruit and edible plants. As for water, I learnt many ways to desalinate ocean water.
Strangely, passing our time wasn't too much of a struggle. My cousin and I always found something to do. When we weren't doing the essentials, we managed to have fun. We went swimming in the ocean and tried climbing trees. We always found something to laugh about, whether it be our old home or the lousy weather in our new one. There was never a dull moment and without her, I have to admit, I might have turned into a wandering, tribal women.
I thought there was no hope for returning home and I had to learn to adapt, find food and pass my time. Even though being banished to Saint Croix was a very tough experience. I was pushed harder than I ever have to be independent and strong. Every day I would think, I should have submitted those assignments faster. Even though it was hard, I now know how thankful I should be to have an easy life where my main concerns are assignments. In key with the famous song lyrics - I will survive.

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  1. Check here -- http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm -- and fix all of the following problems:

    run on sentences
    incorrect uses of hyphens
    correct uses of commas
    wordiness vs conciseness

  2. Could you please tell me where are my run ons, incorrect use of hyphens etc......I have to submit this soon and can't look through anything too long.....thanks though :)

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  3. Start at the end, and read each sentence (or sometimes it's not a sentence or sometimes it's two sentences) from the bottom up. This helps you isolate each one and you can hear the problems more easily.

    You MUST learn to proof your own work.

    Hint: Every time you used a hyphen in there, it's incorrect.

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