I am not very good at writing essays and I am having trouble with my first paragraph of a persuasive essay on smoking. Could you please give me feedback on what i could fix to make it better? thank you!
We’ve all seen them, the person that is smoking in a park and leaves the bud were a child is going to play or causes an asthmatic a sudden attack. I believe that smoking in a public venue should be banned. My first reason is second hand smoke is extremely harmful. Next is the amount of litter created by cigarette buds and lastly children should not be exposed to smoking at such young an age. This leads me to my question should people be allowed to smoke in public for their own enjoyment even if it puts the rest of us at risk?
DON'T start any paper's first draft by writing the introduction! How can you introduce a paper that you haven't written yet?
Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or whatever:
Prewriting: Brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement
Writing: Write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write the introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.
Polishing: Revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)
Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html#org
from http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html
http://www.angelfire.com/wi/writingprocess/
http://www.ipl.org/div/aplus/
Click on Step by Step for the process. Click on Info Search for help with researching.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.
Let us know.
Thank you so much. The links helped me alot!
Overall, your first paragraph of the persuasive essay on smoking is a good start. However, there are a few areas that could be improved to make it more effective. Here are some suggestions:
1. Introduction: You can consider adding a hook or attention-grabbing statement at the beginning of your paragraph to engage readers. For example, you could start with a statistic or a thought-provoking question about the dangers of smoking.
2. Thesis statement: Your thesis statement is clear, stating your belief that smoking in public venues should be banned. However, you can refine it to be more concise and forceful. For example, "Smoking should be banned in all public venues due to the health risks of second-hand smoke, the environmental impact of cigarette litter, and the potential harm to children."
3. Supporting reasons: Instead of simply listing your supporting reasons, try to provide more detailed explanations or evidence to strengthen your argument. Provide specific examples or statistics to support each reason. For instance, when discussing second-hand smoke, you could mention the various health problems it can cause, such as asthma attacks and increased risk of lung cancer.
4. Transition: To improve the flow, you can include transitional words or phrases between each reason to lead the reader from one point to another. This will help make the paragraph more coherent and organized.
5. Conclusion: The last sentence of your paragraph can be rephrased to directly answer your own question. For example, "Considering the risks involved, it is imperative that smoking in public places be prohibited to ensure the safety and well-being of the general population."
Remember, writing an essay is a process, and revisions are key to improving your work. Take these suggestions into consideration and continue to revise and refine your essay to make it persuasive and compelling.