english/poem

I am suppose to do a funny sonnet poem that has 10 syllables per line and 14 lines .Can you check my syllable or any mistakes.

Oh homework! Oh homework! How I hate you!
You smell, you stink, and you I don’t admire
I want to tell you “go on” “git” and “shoo!”
I want to burn you in a great big fire!

If I had a bomb I’d blow you to bits!
You make me want to feed you to a lion
Homework oh, oh homework, your giving me fits!
Why do you make me feel like just dying?

God I’d rather eat spinach and liver
Ms. Dillon you’re killing me, please just stop!
Oh Homework, drown in a great big river
Is it because you use to be a cop?

Oh how I wish you would just disappear
Please oh please get away and out of here!

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  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonnet

    There may be 10 syllables in the first line, but it doesn't follow the traditional iambic pentameter. You'd need to get rid of the second "Oh" and add one stressed syllable at the end of that line. Check all the other lines. In addition to having 10 syllables, they should be in this pattern:
    da DAH da DAH da DAH da DAH da DAH

    The only other thing is see is that in every sonnet I've read, whether by Shakespeare or anyone else, there's a shift in either the 9th line or the 13th line -- a shift in meaning in the opposite direction from what is being said in the first 8 (or 12) lines.

    Here's one written during WWI that illustrates all this perfectly:

    ANTHEM FOR DOOMED YOUTH by WILFRED OWEN

    What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
    ---Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
    Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
    Can patter out their hasty orisons.
    No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
    Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,---
    The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
    And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

    What candles may be held to speed them all?
    Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes
    Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
    The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
    Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
    And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

    http://www.oucs.ox.ac.uk/ww1lit/collections/item/3290?CISOBOX=1&REC=1

    Read about the poet and the poem here.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthem_for_Doomed_Youth

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    Writeacher
  2. but the teacher doesn't want to follow the traditional iambic pentameter. In this case do you think my poem has 10 syllables per line and funny?

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