ENGLISH Types of business writing

Assume that you’ve worked for the last five years as an
administrative assistant for the Human Resources Department
of Broadworth General Hospital. The Director of Human
Resources, Miriam Hopkins, has charged you with organizing
a two-hour training seminar to be attended by the hospital’s
20 office supervisors. The seminar should cover sexual
harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace.
For the last 20 years, the hospital has contracted all training
through the nationally acclaimed Wydade Consulting
Services. Jeremy Dittmer, employee relations specialist, is
manager of the local branch of Wydade. He requires a threemonth
advance notice regarding any training Broadworth
needs so he can supply an appropriate trainer and any materials
that may be required. This is the first time you’ve dealt
directly with Mr. Dittmer.

Memorandum part.

Draft an interoffice memorandum to Miriam Hopkins, the Director of Human Resources:

A. Assume that you've received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for the date, time, and materials needed. The trainer he has assigned is Deb Walker (e-mail: Deb.Walker@blah blah etc.......
B.Outline the arrangements you've made, providing explanations as needed. Your goal is to assure her that you've covered all the details.

C. Invent any additional details as needed

this is what i have

BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL

TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
FROM: Jane Doe, Administrative Assistant
DATE: April 08, 2012
SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and Unlawful Discretion in the Workplace

We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on July 20, 2012. The trainer selected is Deb Walker. She will proceed to the conference room at 9 am the day of the session to set up before supervisors arrive. The conference room reserved is located on the second floor in room 200, all attendees are required to bring notebooks, pens and pencils to take notes during the seminar. All materials requested by Deb, such as chairs, tables, whiteboard, screen and a projector will be set up the evening prior to the seminar. Deb will be providing handouts, help centre information and her laptop the morning of the seminar. Refreshments such as coffee, tea, water, juice, cookies, muffins and fruit have been scheduled to be delivered to the conference room by the hospital cafeteria.

If you have any further questions, please contact me. You can also contact Deb Walker directly at deb.walker@or by phone at 123-456-7890 ext: 1232

Revised

TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
FROM: Jane Doe, Administrative Assistant
DATE: April 08, 2012
SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and Unlawful Discretion in the Workplace

We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on July 20, 2012. The trainer selected is Deb Walker, she will proceed to the conference room at 9 am the day of the session to set up before supervisors arrive. The conference room reserved is located on the second floor in room 200: all attendees are required to bring pens, pencils and notebooks to take notes during the seminar. All materials requested by Deb, such as chairs, tables, whiteboard, screen and projector will be set up the evening prior to the seminar. Deb will be providing handouts, help centre information and her laptop the morning of the seminar. Refreshments such as: coffee, tea, water, juice, cookies, muffins and fruit have been scheduled to be delivered to the conference room by the hospital cafeteria.

If you have any further questions, please contact me. You can also contact Deb Walker directly at deb.walker... or by phone at 123-456-7890 ext: 1232

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  1. I still see a couple of run-ons in there. Complete sentences need correct end punctuation. That almost always means a period!

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  2. REVISED

    We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on July 20, 2012. The trainer selected is Deb Walker. Deb will proceed to the conference room at 9 am the day of the session to set up before supervisors arrive. The conference room reserved is located on the second floor in room 200. All attendees are required to bring pens, pencils and notebooks to take notes during the seminar. Materials requested, such as chairs, tables, whiteboard, screen and projector will be set up the evening prior to the seminar. Deb will be providing handouts, help centre information and her laptop the morning of the seminar. Refreshments such as coffee, tea, water, juice, cookies, muffins and fruit have been scheduled to be delivered to the conference room at 10am by the hospital cafeteria.

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  3. Ah good! Put a space between 10 and 'am' and everything will be fine.

    =)

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  4. Thanks a bunch.

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  5. You're very welcome!

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    Writeacher

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