DESCRIPTIVE WRITING
A song or piece of music comes to the radio. Immediately the tune reminds you of a particularly happy or sad occasion. Describe in detail the scene you remember (real or imaginary) and your feelings at that time:
It was my first day back from Lakewood girls boarding school. A tremendous feeling of happiness flooded over me as our ancient, unoiled banger of a car slowly crawled up the familiar driveway. Flinging open the squeaky car door, I spotted dad watering the withering plants at the far end of the garden.
''Daddy! Daddy!'' I screamed at the top of my lungs as I raced towards him. My heart was pounding against my ribs like a rubber mallet at the utter joy of setting eyes on my beloved father after what felt like decades.
He wore a pair of faded grey trousers, a large brimmed straw hat and a stripy purple shirt.As he slowly turned around I noted how he hadn't changed a bit since the last time I had seen him. Tall and handsome, his face was slightly sunburnt, his hazel brown eyes were as bright as the sun. He was certainly a father to be proud of.
But to my surprise , his round face had an expression of anger and rage on it. In fact, I thought to myself, he looked as furious and bad tempered as a raging bull who saw red. ''Get inside the house now!'' he hollered angrily. His words came down on me like a stabbing knife, wiping all the happiness from my heart.
''But da...'' breaking me off, he repeated his words in a more threatening tone. Feeling confused and downhearted, I slowly trudged up the winding path to the house. My whole life seemed to cave in, the confusion in my mind was whirling around like an angry tornado. I didn't notice the fresh air that brushed against my face or the sun like a burning beach ball in the sky. Nor did I admire the fragrant scent of the recently mowed grass and the tuneful singing of the bright red robins perched on their branches. I felt crestfallen, like a puppy with its tail between its legs.
As I reached the red bricked house with the miniature windows lining the walls, the mouthwatering smell of freshly baked cakes drifted out of the windows and wafted up my nostrils. I was just raising my shaking hand to press the bell when the little red front door burst open. From inside the sound of merry music came to my ears and there was a sudden union cry of ''Surprise!'' A whole crowd of my close friends and family rushed out of the house with dad in front. To my relief and joy his face was one big smile as he threw me high up into the air ''Do you like it? Are you surprised?'' Shouted excited voices from the huge crowd. But I couldn't answer, I was so gobsmacked. Before I knew it tears of happiness were streaming down my face and my throat seemed to get tied into a tight knot.
As the merry song on the radio came to an abrupt stop, my cherished memories of that glorious day also came to a happy ending..
Thanks for the help..
Everything looks good. Let us know your grade on this.
You're welcome! I'm here to help. It seems like you're looking for some feedback or input on your descriptive writing. The scene you've described is vividly portrayed with detailed descriptions of your surroundings and emotions. You effectively paint a picture of your first day back from boarding school and the anticipation you felt upon returning home.
To further enhance your descriptive writing, you might consider incorporating more sensory details. For example, describe the sounds of the squeaky car door, the feeling of the fresh air brushing against your face, or the scent of the freshly mowed grass. These additional sensory details can make the scene more immersive and engaging for the reader.
In terms of structure, you have a clear beginning, middle, and end, which helps to create a narrative flow. You build up the anticipation and excitement, only to introduce a moment of conflict when your father appears angry. This adds tension to the story and makes the eventual surprise all the more impactful.
Overall, your writing effectively conveys the emotions and atmosphere of the scene. Keep practicing, and don't be afraid to experiment with different techniques to bring your scenes to life even more. Good luck!