Revised and wanting to know if it's ready for submittance:
BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
Interoffice Memo
TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
FROM: Shawna Parker, Administrative Assistant
DATE: March 22, 2012
SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace seminar
We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on September 14, 2012, at 10 am. Conference room 105 on the first floor has been reserved for 20 of our supervisors. Those attending this seminar are required to bring pens, pencils and notebooks. The trainer selected for this seminar will be Deb Walker. She will be allowed to enter the room at 9 am that day to set up before our supervisors arrive. Refreshments such as muffins, cookies, coffee, water, and juice have been scheduled to be delivered to our conference room by the hospital cafeteria at 11 am. All materials requested by Deb, such as a projection machine, screen, tables and chairs will be set up the evening prior. Deb will be bringing her laptop, pamphlets, follow along booklets and help-center contact lists the day of the seminar.
If you have any further questions or concerns please contact me. You can also contact Deb walker directly by email at: Deb.Walker@ or by phone at 802-559-6315 ext: 2206.
Shawna Parker
SP
"She will be allowed to ..."
This sounds as if she'll have to get permission and go through metal detectors or something!! Can you think of a different verb?
Comma needed after "chairs"
follow-along ...
Everything else looks fine.
Fixed :)
BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
Interoffice Memo
TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
FROM: Shawna Parker, Administrative Assistant
DATE: March 22, 2012
SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace seminar
We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on September 14, 2012, at 10 am. Conference room 105 on the first floor has been reserved for 20 of our supervisors. Those attending this seminar are required to bring pens, pencils and notebooks. The trainer selected for this seminar will be Deb Walker. She will be able to enter the room at 9 am that day to set up before our supervisors arrive. Refreshments such as muffins, cookies, coffee, water, and juice have been scheduled to be delivered to our conference room by the hospital cafeteria at 11 am. All materials requested by Deb, such as a projection machine, screen, tables and chairs, will be set up the evening prior. Deb will be bringing her laptop, pamphlets, follow-along booklets and help-center contact lists the day of the seminar.
If you have any further questions or concerns please contact me. You can also contact Deb walker directly by email at: Deb.Walker@or by phone at 802-559-6315 ext: 2206.
Shawna Parker
SP
Revised and ready for submission:
BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
Interoffice Memo
TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
FROM: Shawna Parker, Administrative Assistant
DATE: March 22, 2012
SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and Unlawful Discrimination in the Workplace Seminar
We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on September 14, 2012, at 10 am. Conference room 105 on the first floor has been reserved for 20 of our supervisors. Those attending this seminar are required to bring pens, pencils, and notebooks.
The trainer selected for this seminar will be Deb Walker. She will be allowed to enter the room at 9 am that day to set up before our supervisors arrive. Refreshments such as muffins, cookies, coffee, water, and juice have been scheduled to be delivered to our conference room by the hospital cafeteria at 11 am.
All materials requested by Deb, such as a projection machine, screen, tables, and chairs, will be set up the evening prior. Deb will be bringing her laptop, pamphlets, follow along booklets, and help-center contact lists the day of the seminar.
If you have any further questions or concerns, please contact me. You can also contact Deb Walker directly by email at Deb.Walker@ or by phone at 802-559-6315 ext: 2206.
Shawna Parker
Administrative Assistant
Your revised memo looks good and is ready for submission. However, I have a suggestion to enhance clarity. In the subject line, it may be helpful to explicitly state the purpose of the seminar, such as "Sexual Harassment and Unlawful Discrimination Seminar." This will make it immediately clear to the recipient what the memo is addressing.
In terms of formatting, your memo follows a standard structure with the heading containing the sender's and recipient's information, followed by the body of the message. The body is organized with clear headings and information. It is concise and provides all necessary details, such as the date, time, location of the seminar, as well as the contact information for further inquiries.
Lastly, remember to proofread for any potential errors or typos before submitting the memo. Once you have reviewed it for accuracy and clarity, it should be ready to be sent to Miriam Hopkins, the Director of Human Resources.