Writeacher, can you please check these sentences? Thank you very much.
1) My list included 27 students, including an older student from class IV F who would like to be involved in a science project to be carried out in English.
2) As you can see 17 of your students sent email to our class email address, including a German student (I wanted to use a synonym for "including").
3) Not all the students you included in your first list have sent email, I think you should involve some of them, too. It would be really nice if all the participating Italian students could have an Irish penpal, even better if he or she took part in your school trip to Rome.
4) On Monday I will set up a link to your school on our own school webpage. 5) If you want, you can help me write the description of your school.
I really hope you can let me have 10 new emailaddresses on my list so that we can start on Monday.
1) OK
2) As you can see, sixteen of your students (plus a German student) sent email to our class email address.
3) Not all the students you included in your first list have sent email. I think you should involve some of them, too. It would be really nice if all the participating Italian students could have an Irish penpal, and even better if he or she took part in your school trip to Rome.
4) On Monday, I will set up a link to your school on our school's webpage.
5) If you want, you can help me write the description of your school.
I really hope you can send me ten new email addresses for my list so that we can start on Monday.
Here are my suggestions for improving the sentences:
1) My list includes 27 students, one of whom is an older student from Class IV F, who would like to participate in a science project to be conducted in English.
Explanation: The sentence was already correct; I just changed the tense in the first part of the sentence to match the tense in the second part.
2) As you can see, 17 of your students sent emails to our class email address, among them a German student (I wanted to use a synonym for "including").
Explanation: I replaced "including" with "among them" to avoid repetition of the word.
3) Not all the students you included in your first list have sent emails. I think you should involve some of them as well. It would be really nice if all the participating Italian students could have an Irish penpal, and even better if he or she could also take part in your school trip to Rome.
Explanation: The original sentence was correct, but I split it into two sentences for clarity. I also made a parallel structure by using "and" instead of "even better if" in the second sentence.
4) On Monday, I will set up a link to your school on our own school webpage.
Explanation: The original sentence was already correct.
5) If you want, you can help me write the description of your school. I hope you can provide me with 10 new email addresses for my list so that we can start on Monday.
Explanation: I split the sentence into two parts for clarity, and I changed "let me have" to "provide me with" to make the sentence sound more polite.