Hi, can someone proofread this and let me know what my weaknesses are on my thoughts or sentence structure.
Based on the article I read I believe that the bases of wars are a result of people’s lack of understanding, appreciation, and respect for other people’s beliefs. The well-being of humans are overshadowed when people choose to focus on the exterior representations rather than the commonalities among all human beings.
The people in the article are Christians, Jews and a Muslim from the Los Angeles area who are working together to fight hunger, disease and violence. Their approach to end world hunger, disease and violence is by accepting each others differences in beliefs by appreciating and respecting them. Their exterior representations of how they identify themselves are being used to promote unity among differences and how unity can help to solve the problems that benefit all human society.
All humans have one commonality which is death. In order to survive in this world we need to have food, be healthy, and stay safe from violence.
passive voice (helping verb + infinitive....i.e. are overshadowed) tends to make writing weaker. if you can, try to change it to just the verb (rearranging the sentence may help). also, "the well-being of humans are overshadowed" isn't gramatically correct. it should be well beings are overshadowed or well-being of humans is overshadowed. when in doubt, it helps to cross out the prepositional phrase (of humans) because the well being is the subject and must agree in number with the verb. hope that helps a little bit! good job.
Thank you. So, was that the only sentence that I need to work on?
Below changes the sentence to the active voice rather than passive.
People choosing to focus on exterior superficialities rather than interior commonalities overshadows a concern for the well-being of all.
Look at the second paragraph and see if you can find more dynamic verbs.
Sure! I can help you with that. Here are a few suggestions for improving your thoughts and sentence structure:
1. Based on the article I read, I believe that the main causes of wars lie in people's lack of understanding, appreciation, and respect for other individuals' beliefs. This lack of empathy and consideration overshadows the well-being of humanity, as people tend to focus on external differences rather than finding common ground.
2. In the article, individuals from various religious backgrounds, including Christians, Jews, and Muslims in the Los Angeles area, are collaborating to combat hunger, disease, and violence. Their approach to tackling these global issues revolves around accepting and appreciating the differences in their beliefs while respecting one another. By leveraging their diverse identities, they promote unity among different groups and advocate for solutions that benefit all of society.
By further refining your thoughts and enhancing the structure of your sentences, you can make your writing more coherent and impactful.