I tried to rephrase Shakespeare's sonnet myself. I really need your revision, Writeacher.

I urgently need your help. I included the sonnet itself.Thank you very much!!!

1)First, the poet looks at the clock ticking away the time (or and notices the time ticking away?). Then he sees the splendid day sink into the unpleasant (instead of "hideous") night.
2) Then he observes the violet wither and curly black turn white with age. Finally, he sees tall trees, that once provided shade for herds, barren of leaves and the summer's crops tied up and brought to the barn as if summer itself were an old man being carried off to his grave.
3) I'd rather write this way:
......... as if the harvested summer were an old white-bearded man being carried to his grave.
4) Then, the poet has dooubts about the fate of the fair youth, the unnamed young man to whom sonnets 1-126 are addressed. He asks him if he will also have to undergo the ravages of time since sweet and beautiful creature don't stay that way; they die as fast as they see others grow.
5) He concludes that there is no defense against Time's scythe, that is against Time's destructive power, except perhaps to have children, to challenge Time when he takes him. ( this is unclear: "except if the fair youth has children and challenges Time when Time takes him???)

When I do count the clock that tells the time,
And see the brave day sunk in hideous night;
When I behold the violet past prime,
And sable curls, all silvered o'er with white;
When lofty trees I see barren of leaves,
Which erst from heat did canopy the herd,
And summer's green all girded up in sheaves,
Borne on the bier with white and bristly beard,
Then of thy beauty do I question make, That thou among the wastes of time must go,
Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake
And die as fast as they see others grow;
And nothing 'gainst Time's scythe can make defence
Save breed, to brave him when he takes thee hence.

1)First, the poet looks at the clock and notices the time ticking away. Then he sees the splendid day sink into the dark, unpleasant night.


2) Then he observes the violet wither and curly black turn white with age. Finally, he sees tall trees, that once provided shade for herds, but which now have no leaves; he sees the summer's crops tied in bales and taken to the barn as if summer itself were an old man being carried off to his grave.

3) I'd rather write this way:
......... as if the harvested summer were an old white-bearded man being carried to his grave. Yes, this is better than the last part of #2.

4) Then the poet has doubts about the fate of a fair youth. Will he also undergo the ravages of time since sweet and beautiful creatures don't stay that way forever; they die as fast as they see others grow.

5) He concludes that there is no defense against Time's destructive power, except perhaps to have children, to challenge Time by means of future generations before he dies.