Is this a good start?
Yesterday I was the photographer for a small court house wedding. As I was waiting for the couple to finish the necessary paperwork for a legal marriage, I couldn’t help but overhear the daughter of the bride, a 9th grade student, complaining about living at home—wishing she was old enough to move out of her parent’s house. I remember being like that. My last four years of high school I couldn’t wait to break free from the invisible, binding bars of “not being 18.” I was ready to experience life without a curfew, rules, or chores. I dreamt of my own apartment, accommodating parties as frequently as possible. I was ready to be on my own. I was ready to be free.
So, with that 9th grade student, I couldn’t agree more. Life is much “free’er” on the side. You’re “free” to pay rent, cable, internet, electricity, groceries, etc. You’re “free” to do your own laundry when you want--now or later. Or you can just stare at it as the hamper overflows and pray that soon both the laundry and the dishes will wash themselves.
More:
Not only do you get the pleasure of the bills and all the household duties, but also you get to prove Mom’s fast food once a week rule (because it is unhealthy) to be complete rubbish as you attempt the first month to survive off of McDonald’s and Burger King. Continue to smile as your pants become just a little too tight. See, Mom your rules really were bogus.
Sounds good so far. I have a couple of questions, though.
You write: "My last four years of high school..."
Were you in high school for more than four years??
You write: "Life is much “free’er” on the side."
What does "on the side" mean?
lol, I didn't notice how that first one sounded.
I was only in high school 4 years =)
thanks!
I will change it to "All four years of high school"
and
I meant "on the other side"
Be sure to be clear: "the other side" of what?
This passage seems to be describing the author's personal experience and thoughts about wanting to move out of their parents' house and live independently. They mention overhearing a 9th grade student expressing similar sentiments and reflecting on how they themselves had felt that way during their high school years.
To answer your question about whether this passage is a good start, it depends on the context and purpose of your writing. If you are writing a personal narrative or reflection piece, this could be a good start as it sets up the theme of desiring independence and freedom. However, if you are writing an informational or persuasive piece on a different topic, this passage might not be relevant or engaging for your readers.
If you are looking for feedback on your own writing, it would be helpful to provide more context or the specific purpose of your piece so that I can better assist you.