English College composition I

I need help on writing a thesis statement about child abuse/my story.

so far this is what i have
THESIS #1
"While other children were beaten to death or were abused in so many ways. I was one of the few who survived child abuse and became an adult trapped in a small body."

THESIS#2
"child abuse and neglect occurs all around the world. Although many people fail to realize or admit it, each day three children dies as a result of child abuse. While others might survive and can take a negatively impact in life"
*please let me know if it is a good thesis statement for my essay.

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asked by Samantha
  1. This tip always helped me to come up with a thesis statement for an essay: 1-Name the problem and 2-suggest an answer to the problem. Example-Bullying has become a nationwide epidemic; but as parents and educators, we can and should do something about it. The problem is that bullying has become a huge problem and my suggestion to fix the problem is that we should take more of an active role in educating our children. Hope this helps.

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    posted by Hope
  2. Your thesis statement should be the sentance that grabs the reader's attention and gets them interested while at the same time states your viewpoint. Be sure you know where you stand on your topic - you obviously do. I like your first thesis statement, especially the part about being an adult in a small body. That is the kind of wording that would capture someone's attention from the get-go.
    If I may, however, I suggest combining the two statements just slightly. Possibly try something along the lines of:
    "As an adult trapped in a small body, I survived the very demon that kills an average of three children every day. Many people fail to recognize or even admit that this horror exists, but those of us that have survived it know the disastrous impact child abuse leaves."

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    posted by tabby

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