Writing Sentences and Paragraphs

Here is my Paragraph 1 , It is my good copy just wanna a final check before I submit it.

According to the job listing in The Daily News, I understand you are seeking a Medical Administrative Assistant to work in Fletcher Allen Hospital in Burlington, Vermont. This position seems to be made for me! I have been working toward a job like this, ever since my mother was rushed to the hospital a few years ago with a severe headache and numbness above her right eye. It turned out to be a brain aneurysm, and required immediate surgery. Mrs. Peterson, the medical administrative assistant who checked my mother in, was quick to recognize her symptoms and ensure she got immediate care. Because of her quick knowledge, hard work, and caring nature for each patient, Mrs. Peterson is the lady who inspired me to enter this field for a career. She has made me want to work hard and assist patients with their medical issues to ensure their process runs efficiently and smoothly. I believe I am qualified for this position because I have the determination to work hard, the compassion needed while assisting patients, and the ability to work well under pressure and in a team-oriented environment. Fletcher Allen and its strong alliance to the University of Vermont demonstrate the amount and quality of teamwork needed in a medical facility. This is why I would like to pursue my career at your hospital.

I will post my edited second paragraph in a bit for review.

Thank you :)

  1. 👍
  2. 👎
  3. 👁
  1. delete the commas after "this" and after "aneurysm"

    Otherwise, it's excellent! Nice!

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
  2. Thank you done :)

    1. 👍
    2. 👎

Respond to this Question

First Name

Your Response

Similar Questions

  1. Maths lit,business studies,consumer studies,tourism

    I chose this subjects Maths literacy,Consumer studies,business studies,tourism but i wanna know what can i do with does subjects after finishing school and i wanna become a 'Chef' are these subjects right or wrong for my


    hi please check these math answers! 13. If 4 out of 20 people like red jelly beans, what percent of the people do not like red jelly beans? A.5% B.20% C.80%(I PICK THIS) D.90% 14. Sally is photocopying a picture. The original

  3. business communication

    please help me to revise this paragraph I’m fed up with the mistakes that our current accounting firm makes. I run a small construction company, and I don’t have time to double-check every bookkeeping entry and call the

  4. Science

    Can anyone help me check my answers for the connexus lesson 2 Science 6 A final I need a good grade and I really would like to check my answers

  1. Math

    a photocopy store advertises the following prices: 5 cents per copy for the first 20 copies, 4 cents per copy for the 21st through 100th copy, and 3 cents per copy after the 100th copy. Let x be the # of copies, and let y = the

  2. english

    You are writing a paragraph on how to make your favorite sandwich. You have a list of the steps beside you, and you write down the steps in sentences, without stopping to check your work. Finally you've written all the steps into

  3. English

    What is the purpose of a topic sentence in a paragraph?(1 point) A.to describe the most important details that will be included in the paragraph B.to provide evidence for the ideas in the paragraph C.to explain where readers can

  4. Information Literacy

    Please check my answer thank you. 1. Mary is researching at her local library when she finds a perfect source to use in her paper. When she goes to check the book out, she learns that she has overdue library fees and therefore

  1. Algebra

    Chantel drew a picture of her dog on a piece of paper that is 12 centimeters long. She used a copy machine to enlarge her drawing. She used the 115% setting to make each new copy. She then used each new copy, using the same copier

  2. English

    The following paragraph contains five errors in grammar, punctuation, mechanics, or usage. Copy and paste the paragraph into the textbox, and then revise to correct the errors. 2. Often, however, the dictionaries are wrong about

  3. ELA

    13. Which of the following statements about connecting paragraphs is correct? A. Two paragraphs may be joined by an action verb. B. A good connection between two paragraphs is an implied transition. C. You can use a pointing word

  4. English

    Writeacher, could you please check the last two paragraphs I posted. I need to check everything for tomorrow. There is still one more paragraph after those and then we will have finished! Thank you for your invaluable help!

You can view more similar questions or ask a new question.