ASSIGNMENT:
Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. Her previous experiences are
working as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar
stores in your town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a reliable assistant
to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and
you’re sure she’d be good at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the
specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job
skills required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing
to show her that you take your recommendation seriously.
Process
1. Using your imagination, create the kind of skills the job as boss’s assistant requires. Make up
names for your boss and the company, as well as any facts that might help you prove your case
to your cousin. Freewrite about the skills you’ve seen her show in other settings and about how
you can convince her to use those abilities in this position. In addition, consider personality traits
that show she would work well with your boss. Also make up details and figures about how this
job will benefit your cousin personally and professionally.
2. Circle the information your cousin most needs to hear to be persuaded to apply for this job. You
won’t be able to use everything you made up. Organize the details and explanation using an order of importance pattern.
Here is what I have come up with ......
Anna, I am so happy you’ve moved back to Burlington! Especially since the job opportunities here, have much more to offer then where you were before. In fact just yesterday I was talking with Mr. Juzek, my boss at Metropolitan Music Company and he was speaking of needing an assistant. He desperately needs someone to assist him with the growing demand in orders for violins and supplies within our company. I immediately thought of you and how perfect you would be for this for position, due to your impeccable ability to remain calm under pressure and your ability to work quick and efficiently. The position requires the ability to process incoming orders, making sure shipments of products and supplies go out in a timely manner and taking care of travel plans for when Mr. Juzek travels to trade shows. He needs someone who is organized, patient and who can keep up with the pace of the incoming orders. As you’ve shown on various occasions at your previous workplace, and as a friend and cousin , you have all these abilities and much more. Including being able to problem solve quicker than anyone I know. I highly recommend you apply for this position as his assistant because I truly believe your just what he is looking for. I believe it can open many doors for your future, it can also provide you with stability and a steady pay with benefits , which is something I know you’ve been wanting for a long time. I will make sure to put in a good word to Mr. Juzek for you and hope to see your application in our office very soon.
Read through and find and correct any sentence fragments.
Start whacking away at the extraneous words -- remember: wordiness is NOT your friend!!
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
I have problems with fragments and wordiness hehehe :) but with all your help my other paragraph turned out well and I will work some more tomorrow on this one.
THanks so much I hope people on here appreciate your critique cause I've already learnt alot and you've made this experience fun whereas before It was looking horrible ! :)
You're very welcome!
=)
Gaurav
Saurav
Priyanshu
Rajat
Aniket
Gaurav Pal
Pankaj
Thank you so much
Hey Anna!
I'm so thrilled that you've moved back to Burlington! There are so many great job opportunities here, especially compared to where you were before. Guess what? Just yesterday, I had a chat with my boss, Mr. Juzek, at Metropolitan Music Company, and he mentioned that he's in need of an assistant. And guess who immediately came to my mind? You!
Let me tell you why you would be perfect for this position. At Metropolitan Music Company, we've been experiencing a growing demand for orders of violins and supplies. Mr. Juzek needs someone who can assist him with processing these incoming orders and ensuring timely shipment of the products. He also needs someone to take care of his travel plans when he goes to trade shows. And that's where your skills can shine!
I've witnessed your impeccable ability to remain calm under pressure, which is absolutely crucial in a fast-paced environment like this. Your efficiency and quickness in getting tasks done is remarkable. The position requires someone who is organized, patient, and can keep up with the rapid influx of orders. You have all these abilities in abundance. I've also seen you solve problems quicker than anyone I know, and that's a skill that will come in handy in this assistant role.
I highly recommend that you apply for this position as Mr. Juzek's assistant because I genuinely believe you're exactly what he's looking for. Not only that, but I think it can open many doors for your future. It will provide you with stability, a steady income, and valuable benefits that I know you've been wanting for a long time.
I want to assure you that I'll put in a good word for you with Mr. Juzek, but ultimately, it's your skills and qualifications that will speak for themselves. So, don't doubt yourself, Anna. You have what it takes, and I hope to see your application in our office very soon.
Best of luck, and I'm here to support you every step of the way!
Warm regards,
[Your Name]