social studies/writing

is this a good paragraph on the differences and similarities between the U.S. and Thailand???

When people hear the about the countries, United States and Thailand, the fact that they are in two different sides of the world is the first thing that comes to mind. Although one of the countries is in North America and the other is in Asia, they do have things in common. They do also have differences. Thailand’s government is a constitutional monarchy, while the Untied States is a democracy. Thailand is run by King Phumiphon Aduhyadet and the Untied States is run by our president. Thailand also includes a Prime Minister. Although they are two completely different types of governments, they do both have a legislative branch and a court system. The legislative branch does include a senate in both countries. In both countries, the court system includes a Supreme Court. All voters in both countries must be 18 or older and must be a citizen of the country.

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  1. Whenever you are writing a comparison/contrast paper (paragraph, essay, research paper), you need to plan it out very carefully on paper first. I don't see signs of this planning in your paper. I also don't see any kind of conclusion.

    Try this:

    1. Write all the information about Thailand into one set of sentences.
    2. Write all the information about the US into another set of sentences.
    3. Then put them back together in this order:

    1. Intro sentence
    2. All about Thailand
    ~~~2A. government
    ~~~2B. king & prime minister
    ~~~2C. legislature
    ~~~2D. court system
    ~~~2E. voter requirements
    3. All about US
    ~~~3A. government
    ~~~3B. president
    ~~~3C. legislature
    ~~~3D. court system
    ~~~3E. voter requirements
    4. Concl sentence.

    There are two recognized patterns for writing comparison/contrast papers. One is casually referred to as "zig-zag" (which is what you have done) and is very confusing for the reader. The other is topic-by-topic (which is what I've outlined above) and is much easier for the reader to follow.

    See http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/comparcontrast.html for further help with comparison/contrast writing.

    Once you have reorganized your information, please repost.

    =)

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    Writeacher
  2. Your writing appears to be disjointed. Did you write sentences one after the other, or did you have a plan?

    I find that making a brief set of bullet notes first, or an outline , it helps me to figure out what I want to say and how to make my point. This is the most important part of writing: knowing what you want to write, and how to state it.

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    bobpursley

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