I am not sure if my my original post, posted? lol
o Age, understanding the concept of death, and the changes in family structure all depict the type of grieving a child will experience after to the death of a sibling.
that is my thesis, but I want to know if anybody has suggestions as to how to make it more mature of a thesis.
Age, understanding the concept of death, and the changes in family structure -- all depict the type of grieving a child will experience after the death of a sibling.
But it's not a thesis. It's a statement that is simply factual.
Your thesis statement must include factual information (which you already have) plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Read carefully and follow ALL directions.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
To make your thesis statement more mature, you can consider rephrasing it to enhance its clarity and sophistication. Here's a revised example:
"The grieving process in children, following the loss of a sibling, is influenced by factors such as age, comprehension of death, and the dynamics of family structure."
In this version, I have made the following improvements:
1. Clarified the subject: "The grieving process in children" clearly identifies the focus of your thesis.
2. Included "following the loss of a sibling" to specify the context.
3. Replaced "depict" with "influenced by" to convey a stronger connection between the factors and the grieving process.
4. Rearranged the sentence structure to ensure a smoother flow.
Remember, this is just an example, and you can modify it further based on your specific intentions and the content of your essay.