Will you also proofread this?
Cut
By Patricia Mccormick
Bryce Romig
If I had the opportunity to ask Patricia Mccormick two questions about the main character, I would ask her why the main character Callie feels as though she has to self mutilate as a way to express her feelings. I would also ask her why Callie feels like she’s running when she gets angry or frustrated over something.
The answer to the question “Why does Callie feel as though she has to self mutilate as a way to express her feelings?” would explain so much that goes on throughout the book. It would help me understand the book so much better if Callie said why she feels that if she self mutilates, it helps her express her feelings better. Throughout the book people are constantly asking Callie the same question, but she never gives them an answer other than the word “Guilt.” Callie uses anything she can find to cut herself, and searches for sharp items wherever she goes. If I understood why she feels the need to self mutilate, it would help me figure out why she did some of the things she did in SeaPines Residential Treatment Facility. She constantly waited for all of her dorm mates to fall asleep, so she could harm herself. If we found out why she felt the need to do this, it would explain all of the weird antics she had.
The answer to the question “Why does Callie feel like she’s running when she gets angry or frustrated?” Would explain why she says all the weird things about how she’s out of breath, or why she is constantly light headed. She is always under the nurses’ care, but the nurse can never figure out why she has this weird sensation. All we know is that she was in Cross Country in Elementary School, but we have no explanation of why she has these weird sensations over and over again, and why they affect her physically.
"Would explain" = would explain (isn't it part of the preceding sentence, which has the question? If not, try "That would explain..."
"light headed" is one word = lightheaded.
Sra
Thank you!
Overall, your writing is clear and effectively conveys your questions about the main character, Callie, in the book "Cut" by Patricia McCormick. However, there are a few minor suggestions for improvement:
1. In the first paragraph, it would be clearer if you specify that the questions you want to ask Patricia McCormick are hypothetical. You can do this by saying "If I had the opportunity, two questions I would ask Patricia McCormick about the main character..."
2. In the second paragraph, instead of saying "If Callie said why she feels that if she self mutilates, it helps her express her feelings better," it would be more concise and clear to say "If Callie explained why she believes that self-mutilation helps her express her feelings..."
3. In the third paragraph, you wrote "She constantly waited for all of her dorm mates to fall asleep, so she could harm herself." It would be more accurate to say "She often waited for her dorm mates to fall asleep before hurting herself."
Other than these minor suggestions, your proofreading looks great!