hey this is the original question my work is at the end i really need help in grammar and checking my work thanxx
In this lesson, you are going to rewrite the story "The Turtle and the Rabbit Run a Race" to make it more clear, and to correct the grammar. Go through the story piece by piece as it was transcribed, taking away or adding pieces as you need. Make sure that all the verbs are in the same tense, and that the story flows and makes sense without being repetitious. Also make sure that the story is clear from beginning to end.
"The Turtle and the Rabbit Run a Race," #38 Swapping Stories
Bel Abbey, Elton, Louisiana
I'm going to tell you about the story about the Rabbit and the Turtle running a race. They were going to run a race one time. And Rabbit run so fast one time. He liked to run all the time. You know how the rabbit are. He jumped and he run fast and quick, and the turtle can't hardly run, can't hardly move out. They go after the insects, and that's the only time he run fast, I guess.
After a while, he said, "Okay."
But the Rabbit begging to run a race with the Turtle. Turtle said, "No, I can't run now. You're too fast for me. But you can't beat me because I'm running pretty fast all the time." And he said, "Okay, we put that when you're going to run a race."
He said, "All right. Let me know right away." He said, "Let me know right away."
He said, "All right. We'll talk to our people, and we're going to let you know tomorrow morning."
He said, "All right."
And after a while, turtles all get together. Turtles all get together and talk how they going to cheat with the Rabbit. They said, "You know, let's run. We'll run, and go a little ways. They got what they call hill. But it's no hill around here. It's low swamp in here. It's low flat; there's no hills in it. It's called a little mound. We're going to run over the mound and on top of the hill, on the mound. That's where we going to run the race, till there," they said.
Rabbit says, "Okay."
But the turtles talk to themselves, each other. They pick out four turtles. "You start it off first, and hide a little ways out there. And I come out and run a little ways and this one hide. But they're going to come out. And for the last go round, you run first over there in that line." They got four turtles, and they wanted to cheat that rabbit.
When they started off running, the Rabbit jumped and leaped and went off with it. But they find onions and cabbage plants, cabbage farms and onion places. That's where they stopped. They find a good place to eat. So they stop and start eating in there. But the other one had come out. That's where they hide. They come out and started off.
The Rabbit went over there and said, "Where you coming from?"
He said, "Oh, I'm still running. I'm still running."
So the Rabbit passed the second one. After a while, they find mustards, mustard plants. They stop again and start eating. And the other one comes out. The third one comes out. After a while, the Rabbit is through eating, and they start running. Drink water, and he starts running again. He find that Turtle ahead, way ahead. He was way ahead of him. After a while he said, "Oh, how did you pass me?"
He said, "Oh, I'm still running."
After a while, the last one. The last one when they was eating in there, the last one come out first. On the line, they sit down, waiting for the Rabbit. The Rabbit ran over there where there's supposed to be a line in there. And he ran over there, but it's too late. Turtle goes over there first. Rabbit got mad at him. He said, "How did you get here?"
He said, "I run over here."
He said, "No, you don't. You don't pass me."
"I will," he said. Keep arguing, and the Rabbit got mad. He got a stick like this and start beating on top of the back of shell. Break him all up. He tore it all up on the back. That's what you see there now, that's where the marks in there. On the back, the little skulls in there on the back. That's what that's for. They beat him up and they left.
The Turtle was all beat up, broken back, and they laying down. But they calling for help. "Help! Help! I need help!"
What you call it? An ant. An ant heard him. He said, "Somebody need help. Somebody need help somewheres."
"Where?" one said.
"Back in there somewheres," he said.
"Let's go meet him," they said. They all get together and line up, and they all went over to where they needed help. They went over there, and the turtle got hurt. He got beat up.
The third one said, "What you want?"
"I need help. I got beat up. My back is broken. I need somebody help me throw it over. But you eat my fat. I got a little fat in there. That's what I'm going to pay with."
So the ant start eating the fat in there, the blood in there, start sewing him up. Pinch him all together. After that, they got well. That's why the turtle got spots all over him. That's the end of my story. That's my story.
my work>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I'm going to tell you a story about a rabbit, and a turtle running race. One sunny day the rabbit was running fast, and hoping around quickly showing off as usual; you know how rabbits are but the slow turtle can hardly even move around.
I guess the only time turtles run fast is when they go after insects.
So, on that sunny day the rabbit was begging to run a race with the turtle. The turtle disagreed because he knew the rabbit is way faster then him.
However the rabbit convinced the turtle to race. The turtle said he will mark out where the race will be.
The rabbit agreed and said: tell me right away when you plan the race.
The turtle said" ok am going to plan the race with my friends, and ill let you know tomorrow morning."
Rabbit said: "all right."
After a while the turtle gathered his friends to plan the race.
They decided to cheat that fast rabbit to win. They said'' let's run the race all of us and take short cuts.
They said we will run the race over the mound and on top of the hill.
They told the rabbit the next day that the race will be over the mound and on top of the hill, and he agreed.
But the turtles all gathered to chat.
They picked out four turtles to cheat that fast rabbit. The decided that in each round a turtle will be hiding so, on the start line the first turtle will run then hide and the other two also hide and the fourth will hide close to the finish line.
When the race started the rabbit jumped and leaped and pasted the first rabbit.
He jumped and leaped then the second rabbit came out from the plants it was hiding in when the rabbit came closer he was amused, and asked the turtle how he got here the turtle answered, "Oh am still running am still running."
The rabbit pasted the second turtle. The second turtle hided back as the rabbit passed him.
The rabbit took a break to eat, and drink water then started running again. He found the third turtle ahead of him.
The rabbit was shocked and asked the rabbit, " how did you pass me?!"
The turtle answered, "Ooh, I'm still running."
The rabbit passed the third rabbit it rushed to his final round.
But that turtle was waiting there and when the poor rabbit came he noticed it was too late and saw the turtle ahead of him.
The rabbit got angry because he was sure he didn’t see that turtle passing him and said, "How did you get here?"
The turtle replied, "I ran to the finish line".
Sentence = running A race
hoping vs hopping
way faster than HE (is)
Just a minute = part of the instructions said to use the same tense. You need to decide if you are telling this story in the present or past, and then stay there.
I'm stopping here. Please redo and repost.
Sra
It seems like you have made some improvements to the story and corrected some grammar errors. However, there are still a few areas that could be improved for clarity and grammar. Here are some suggestions:
1. Instead of saying "One sunny day" at the beginning, consider starting with "Once upon a time" or "Long ago".
2. Instead of saying "hoping around", use "hopping around" to indicate continuous action.
3. Instead of saying "So, on that sunny day", consider saying "So, on that particular day".
4. Instead of saying "hoping to run a race", use "begging to run a race" to indicate the rabbit's desire.
5. Instead of saying "The turtle disagreed", use "The turtle declined" to sound more formal.
6. Instead of saying "friends", specify that the turtle gathered "other turtles" to plan the race.
7. Instead of saying "They said we will run the race over the mound and on top of the hill", rephrase it as "They decided that the race would go over a mound and onto a hill."
8. Instead of saying "the next day", specify "the next morning" for clarity.
9. Instead of saying "the first turtle will run then hide", rephrase it as "the first turtle will start the race and then hide".
10. Instead of saying "the second rabbit came out from the plants", change it to "the second turtle emerged from its hiding spot among the plants".
11. Instead of saying "the turtle answered", use "the turtle replied" for variety.
12. Instead of saying "he was amused", specify that the rabbit was "surprised" or "puzzled".
13. Instead of saying "He noticed it was too late and saw the turtle ahead of him", rephrase it as "He realized that it was too late, and the turtle was already ahead of him".
14. Instead of saying "the rabbit got angry", use "the rabbit became angry" for better grammar.
15. Instead of saying "he was sure he didn't see", change it to "he was certain that he didn't see" for stronger emphasis.
Remember to proofread your work for any other grammar errors or inconsistencies in tense.