I perfectly agree with you on sentence 2. I'm just wondering why the subject has been repeated twice. I added a few more sentences I'm not sure of.
1) The metaphor of the world as a stage was common in Renaissance culture, but in Shakespeare’s great works it (???) became an essential part of the plot and the characters’ psychology.
2) She is wearing her dyed hair tied back with a barrette.
3) She is wearing it in a bun/in a ponytail.
4) She is wearing her hair rolled into a bun.
5) I don’t like the advert for “Clear” soap on TV. (When do you use commercial instead of advert?)
advert is slang. You'd be more apt to hear 'ad'
BTW, "inverted commas" we call "quotes" = beginning quote and ending quote
Sra