Hello Sir/Mam,
This is what i have prepared for my first assignment, please let me know all my mistakes like grammar, speeling, punctuations,language, sentences and any other mistakes which you think i have made. and also i want to know if i have put the ideas properly as required for the exam , if not please correct me.
THIS IS WHAT THEY NEED -
Background
You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human Resources Department arranges an
interview and tells you to bring with you a polished piece of writing for them to evaluate your writing
skills. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided
you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully
about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why. In addition, you want
to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience. Take time to
think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and
formal business writing.
• Sufficient detail/support (30 points)
Each paragraph uses specific details, facts, and figures to support your controlling idea and the
purpose of the assignment. The description and analysis of the experience for Paragraph 1
clearly show how and why you chose the area of employment and your excitement about that
field of study. Paragraph 2 contains enough proof to convince the cousin that she has the skills
and the job is beneficial for her.
• Unified, coherent development (20 points)
Each paragraph represents a unified whole and shows coherent development. It maintains a
single, organized focus without clutter. You show thoughtful use of appropriate transitions and
connective discussion to guide the reader and to maintain clear focus. Each sentence flows
logically and clearly to the next sentence.
• Clear topic sentence (10 points)
Each paragraph has only one strong topic sentence appropriate to the assignment and audience.
It’s the first sentence. Every other sentence in the paragraph develops/supports that topic sentence.
• Sentence structure (10 points)
Each sentence is correctly structured. Each paragraph effectively uses a variety of sentence
structures and length to achieve the purpose of the assignment. There are no run-on sentences
or fragments.
• Grammar, word usage, spelling, punctuation (20 points)
Each paragraph contains correct word usage as fits the audience, the purpose, and the
assignment, showing application of skills covered in all four study units.
Your essay is free of grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.
• Length and format (10 points)
Each paragraph uses the assigned heading and is double-spaced using Times New Roman, font
size 12. Each paragraph contains 8–12 sentences. You’ve included the required header information.
This is what i have prepared -
I am applying for Medical Administrative Assistant career opportunity posted on your
Website for one of your Kaiser Location. This position is responsible for performing full
Range of medical administration duties. The Health Care industry has always been a
dream of mine to pursue, however my passion for medical administrative assistant arose due to my personal experience while doing volunteer in Sutter Hospital , where I had assisted medical administration by performing various duties such as : Provide efficient and friendly customer service when making appointments in person and over the telephone, Update patient’s information in excel database to ensure work low runs smoothly , maintain and arrange files; print, photocopy and fax reports , assisted parents and families of patients by greeting them in a warm and friendly manner and directing them to relevant waiting areas , maintaining confidentiality , meeting new people every day , all this experiences grew more enthusiasm in me . Since past year I’ve been a stay-at-home mother and now I’m seeking a new opportunity for advancement and to ensure a stable future for myself and my family , therefore with my excellent experience while volunteering medical administration and by successfully completing Diploma in Medical Administrative assistant I would be really love to participate in this kind of job every morning. As a medical administrative assistant within your company, I am confident that I could make a valuable contribution to the medical team serving your patients and the company in a timely manner.
Thanks & Regards
NIks
can anyone please help me with above assignment .
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm
Check through your writing and correct these types of things:
capitalization
commas
singular and plural noun forms
run-ons and comma splices
getting rid of cliches and using real terms
correct uses of articles (a, an, the)
Have someone read your paper aloud to you; wherever the reader stumbles, you probably have a correction to make.
Revise and repost, and someone here will help you with this.
ok thank you so much
Hello NIks,
I will go through your paragraph and provide feedback on the mistakes you mentioned. First, let's address any spelling mistakes, grammar errors, and punctuation errors:
1. Check the spelling of "speeling" in your first sentence. It should be "spelling."
2. In the second sentence, capitalize "Mam" to "ma'am" for the correct address.
3. Change "THESE ARE WHAT THEY NEED" to "This is what they need" to make it grammatically correct and more concise.
4. In the sentence "The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied," change "that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied" to "that inspired or guided you to choose the position you applied for." This revision makes the sentence clearer and more concise.
5. In the sentence "Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why," change "and/or" to "or" for proper grammar.
6. In the sentence "Think about what your audience wants to know," change "Think" to "Take" for more accurate and suitable language.
7. In the sentence "...strive to reach a balance between informal and formal business writing," consider rephrasing it as "Strive to strike a balance between informal and formal business writing."
Now, let's address the organization and structure of your paragraph:
1. The first line of your paragraph should be an introduction to your response, summarizing the content you will provide.
2. Your paragraph should include specific details and experiences that support the controlling idea of why you chose the position you applied for. Additionally, ensure you demonstrate your enthusiasm for the position and its relation to your inspiring experience.
3. To achieve a unified and coherent development, ensure that each sentence flows logically to the next. Use appropriate transitions and connective discussion to guide the reader.
4. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that is relevant to the assignment and audience, followed by supporting sentences that develop the main idea.
5. It is important to use a variety of sentence structures and lengths effectively. Avoid run-on sentences or fragments.
6. Verify that the essay follows the correct format, including the assigned heading, double-spacing, Times New Roman font size 12, and the required header information.
Therefore, based on these guidelines, you can edit your paragraph as follows:
Dear [Potential Employer's Name],
I am applying for the Medical Administrative Assistant career opportunity posted on your website for one of your Kaiser locations. This position involves performing a full range of medical administration duties. Pursuing a career in the healthcare industry has always been a dream of mine. However, my passion for medical administrative assistance was ignited by my personal experience while volunteering at Sutter Hospital. During my time there, I had the opportunity to assist with various duties, such as providing efficient and friendly customer service during in-person and telephone appointment scheduling, updating patients' information in an Excel database to ensure workflow efficiency, maintaining and organizing files, printing, photocopying, and faxing reports, and greeting and guiding parents and families of patients to the relevant waiting areas while ensuring confidentiality. These experiences not only grew my enthusiasm but also affirmed my decision to pursue a career as a medical administrative assistant.
For the past year, I have been a stay-at-home mother, and now I am seeking a new opportunity for advancement. I want to secure a stable future for myself and my family. With my exceptional volunteer experience in medical administration and the successful completion of a Diploma in Medical Administrative Assistance, I am excited about the prospect of participating in a job like this every morning. If given the opportunity to become a medical administrative assistant within your company, I am confident that I could make a valuable contribution to the medical team while serving your patients and the company with utmost professionalism and timeliness.
Thank you for considering my application.
Sincerely,
NIks
I hope you find this feedback helpful!