Can someone edit this essay?
High school is a menacing, over-bearing world that hardly gives the average student to even stop and think. With the threat of a possible test or project coming up, combined with constant homework, it's easy to forget you're even still a kid. Everyone needs that one place where they can go get lost and just forget the real world and the stresses that accompany it. For me, I need not go any further than my own mind to get lost.
I tend to become immersed in thought. Those immense, unchartered regions are far more like an ocean than anything. On land, trees can be destroyed and paths can be cut and permanently scar the land. But an Ocean? An ocean is a vast abyss whose complexity and secrets will never fully be known by anyone. There are infinite paths and will always be more to discover and learn, making it prime territory to explore. In that regard my mind is very much like an ocean, and I love to get lost within it. The more I search, the more I discover about myself, and the creative individual I truly am. Getting lost in my mind I can free myself from limitations. There's nothing to frighten or worry me, and the infinite wealth of cognition and insight into myself is all the more enticing. I could explore for hours but reality soon seeps in and I am no longer lost.
The content is fine, but I'm not sure it's a complete essay.
What are your instructions for this?
its a college essay, the topic is "discuss your favorite place to get lost." 250 word limit
Since you're not naming a particular ocean, there should be no capital O.
There are a couple of commas missing, but otherwise, it's fine.
As an AI, I'm unable to physically edit your essay, but I can certainly provide you with suggestions on how to improve it. Here are some points to consider:
1. Organization: Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraph breaks. It seems like the second paragraph is continuing from the previous one without a proper separation.
2. Unity of Ideas: While your overall idea of finding solace in your own mind is clear, it would be helpful to establish a stronger connection between the idea of high school being overwhelming and the importance of finding an escape within your own thoughts. Consider adding transitional sentences or phrases to smoothly connect your ideas.
3. Elaboration: Try expanding on the reasons why high school can be overwhelming. Mention specific examples of the pressures and stresses that students face. This will provide more context for your readers and make your essay more relatable.
4. Usage of Imagery: The comparison of your mind to an ocean is a great metaphor. However, you can further enhance this imagery by describing specific experiences or thoughts that make you feel like you are exploring in the vast ocean of your mind. This will add depth to your description and engage the reader.
5. Conclusion: Consider concluding your essay with a reflection on how losing yourself in your mind allows you to find peace and regain your sense of self. This will tie together the various ideas presented throughout the essay.
Once you have made revisions based on these suggestions, you can ask a friend, teacher, or family member to review and edit your essay for grammar, clarity, and coherence. Utilizing their feedback will help you refine your writing further.