I was wondering if in this paragraph I was going off topic, plz help, maybe give me some pointers? Im not finished with the paragraph but that's what I have so far and need someones opinion...
Compassion is like handing a piece of your heart to another person out of love or deep sympathy to show that you care. It is not difficult to learn that the heart cares more than the brain, or happens to trigger certain emotions. The most important quality to teach a child is compassion. Without it, we would be cold heartless human beings with no care in the world about others or the things they go through. A dictionary would say it meant “suffering with others.” That was partly true in my case. I began to set out to teach Nathan this, after all, he was now turning nine months and was walking around a little, but he wasn’t playing nice with the other little toddlers that come over for play dates. He wouldn’t let them play with his toys or give them their toys back after we decided to leave. My parents were also quite worried about this strange phase. I took some time to talk to them and ask them about suggestions on some things I could work on like, maybe showing him how to share toys or maybe being there for him a little more. It was a struggle at first, I would set out his toys but keep the best in the toy box, then show him how the car or truck moved around. Nathan would watch in interest and was captivated by how it would be maneuvered around. Then, I would give it to him to play with, while I took out another car out and played with it too to see his reaction. He was immediately aware that I had another car, and would wobble over and pulled it out of my hands, I pulled it back, but no, he was convinced he was going to get that car.
playing nicely (adverb)
not come but "that came over" = because you began in the past, you should continue in the past
work on, like maybe
I took out another car (drop the 2nd out)
and pull it out (would wobble & pull)
my hands. (end that sentence)
I pulled it back...(begin new sentence)
Sra
but is the essay going on the right path?
Based on the paragraph you provided, it seems like you are discussing the importance of compassion and your efforts to teach it to a child named Nathan. Here are some pointers to help you stay on track and improve the flow of your writing:
1. Clarity of main idea: Make sure your main idea is clear from the beginning, so that readers understand what you are trying to convey. In this case, the main idea seems to be teaching compassion to Nathan.
2. Organization: Consider organizing your paragraph in a more structured manner. Start with an introductory sentence that clearly states your main idea, then provide examples or experiences to support it. For example, you can introduce Nathan's behavior with other toddlers and why it concerned you, which leads to your efforts to teach him compassion.
3. Transition words: Use transition words to connect ideas and improve the flow of your paragraph. Words like "however," "therefore," "meanwhile," or "after all" can help guide the reader through your thought process.
4. Development of ideas: Make sure to fully develop your ideas by providing more details and explanations. For instance, you can expand on the struggles you faced while teaching Nathan to share toys and how you tried different methods to foster his understanding of compassion.
5. Proofreading: Reread your paragraph to check for any grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, or repetitions. This will help improve the overall clarity and readability of your writing.
Remember, this is just a preliminary assessment based on the provided paragraph. Feel free to continue writing and seek feedback to further refine your ideas and improve the structure of your paragraph.