I am entering an essay scholarship and would love if some of you could proof read my essay. Thanks so much!
Title:
Be a Part of Something Greater
“You have to get involved!” From the first day of school, freshman year of high school, those were the words that constantly fell from my mom’s mouth. I would not go a week without hearing those five words. At that time I did not comprehend how important that phrase actually was. But, now that I am a junior in high school, and almost have senioritis, those words have become an important part of my life.
As a kid, elementary school and middle school just seemed like a time to hang out with your friends or play fun games. At least for me, as a kindergartener and even a 4th grade student, the word college never ran through my mind. Infact, I was so perplexed when my older sister would come home from high school each day, stomp up the stairs, and practically lock herself in her room while she did…homework?! It was not until I entered my sophomore year of high school that I realized how important my grades and extracurricular activities really were.
Something finally clicked in my brain. It was as if I had just realized that world was round and not flat. Like my mom had always told me, I needed to get involved! So, I stopped pretending high school was just a time to socialize, and started doing just that. I took almost every opportunity I could find to get occupied in something that would not only benefit me, but also my community. Since then, I have become a member of Wesso, a volunteer organization club at my school. Also, I was given the opportunity to join the Spanish National Honors Society, which I excitedly accepted and am now an avid member. In addition to Wesso and the Spanish National Honors Society, I am furthermore a member of SADD, Students Against Destructive Decisions. I also realized that I need to branch out from clubs at my school, so, I became part of the Animal Foster Program for the Almost Home Humane Society.
I am grateful that my mom cares about my education and academics. Because of her, I have been able to reach out and be a part of something greater!
I have them divided into paragraphs. It just does not show up that way when posted
You have to hit the Enter key TWICE at the end of each paragraph to have the separations show up here.
Please repost.
In addition, it would be helpful to see the instructions you were given for this. What scholarship are you applying for? What are they looking for?
You have to get involved!� From the first day of school, freshman year of high school, those were the words that constantly fell from my mom�s mouth. I would not go a week without hearing those five words. At that time I did not comprehend how important that phrase actually was. But, now that I am a junior in high school, and almost have senioritis, those words have become an important part of my life.
As a kid, elementary school and middle school just seemed like a time to hang out with your friends or play fun games. At least for me, as a kindergartener and even a 4th grade student, the word college never ran through my mind. Infact, I was so perplexed when my older sister would come home from high school each day, stomp up the stairs, and practically lock herself in her room while she did�homework?! It was not until I entered my sophomore year of high school that I realized how important my grades and extracurricular activities really were.
Something finally clicked in my brain. It was as if I had just realized that world was round and not flat. Like my mom had always told me, I needed to get involved! So, I stopped pretending high school was just a time to socialize, and started doing just that. I took almost every opportunity I could find to get occupied in something that would not only benefit me, but also my community. Since then, I have become a member of Wesso, a volunteer organization club at my school. Also, I was given the opportunity to join the Spanish National Honors Society, which I excitedly accepted and am now an avid member. In addition to Wesso and the Spanish National Honors Society, I am furthermore a member of SADD, Students Against Destructive Decisions. I also realized that I need to branch out from clubs at my school, so, I became part of the Animal Foster Program for the Almost Home Humane Society.
I am grateful that my mom cares about my education and academics. Because of her, I have been able to reach out and be a part of something greater!
You should divide the paragraphs so it will look a whole lot neater. Rather than that I think it's good.
Title: Be a Part of Something Greater
Essay feedback:
Overall, your essay shows a strong sense of personal growth and the recognition of the importance of involvement and engagement in high school. Your writing is clear and concise, and you effectively convey your journey from initially not understanding the significance of being involved to realizing its value.
Here are a few suggestions to further improve your essay:
1. Structure: Consider organizing your essay into paragraphs to enhance readability. Each paragraph can focus on a specific aspect of your involvement, such as clubs, volunteer work, and personal growth.
2. Introduction: Start your essay with a strong, attention-grabbing opening sentence that hooks the reader. You can also provide a brief background or anecdote that sets the stage for your journey of realization.
3. Transition: To create a smoother flow between ideas, use transition words or phrases. For example, when describing your realization in the second paragraph, you can use phrases like "It was at that moment" or "That's when it finally clicked."
4. Specific examples: Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to highlight your experience in each club or organization you joined. This will give the reader a better understanding of your involvement and how it has impacted you.
5. Conclusion: Summarize the main points of your essay and re-emphasize the importance of being involved in something greater. End with a thought-provoking statement or call-to-action that leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
Proofreading:
To proofread your essay, follow these steps:
1. Read it aloud: This helps identify any awkward phrasing, grammar mistakes, or areas where sentences could be improved.
2. Check for spelling and punctuation errors: Use spell-check functions or proofreading tools to catch any typos or mistakes. Review your punctuation to ensure it is accurate.
3. Review sentence structure and grammar: Ensure your sentences are grammatically correct and flow well. Check for subject-verb agreement, proper use of tenses, and overall sentence clarity.
4. Seek feedback: Ask someone you trust, such as a teacher, family member, or friend, to read your essay and provide constructive feedback. They may spot errors or suggest improvements you may have missed.
Remember, proofreading is an essential step to ensure your essay is polished and error-free. It helps to have a fresh pair of eyes review it before submitting.
Good luck with your scholarship essay!