How could I reword this thesis to make it more effective?

"In God's eyes, charity is the standard of human actions, and leads to peace and love."

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asked by Anonymous
  1. In my opinion, the first three words should be omitted. (We don't know what's in God's eyes.)

    Also -- since "is" is weak -- how about changing it to "sets?"

    Charity sets the standard for human actions and leads to peace and love. Also note that there should not be a comma after actions.

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    posted by Ms. Sue

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