English/Poerty

Is this poem good? How can I make it better?

As I read the stories
I find out about her dark past
Some are hard to believe
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never looked at her before
I don’t know what to say to her
Now that I know what I know
I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
As my fingers sit on the keyboard
I think about what I should say
I can’t think of anything
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said

  1. 👍
  2. 👎
  3. 👁
  1. The message is good and clear, and I like it!

    There are places where the wording doesn't "flow" smoothly, though. Consider this rephrasing for your second line: I discover her dark past.

    By changing "find out about" to "discover," the rhythm of the words is changed, shortened, smoother, and fits better with the lines above and below this one.

    Now find the other places where the wording is 'choppy' and try to smoothe it out. Then repost.

    =)

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
    👤
    Writeacher
  2. I read the stories about her
    I discover her dark past
    Some things are hard to believe
    To know what she has been through
    All the challanges she has faced
    Now I see her in a different way
    A way I’ve never seen her before
    I don’t know what to say
    Now that I know what I know
    I read the message she sent
    But I don’t know how to respond
    I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
    As I stare at the screen
    I think about what I should say
    My mind draws a blank
    So I delete the message
    All night I think about the message
    Wondering what I could have said

    1. 👍
    2. 👎

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