Could you please check these sentences, especially the word-choice and sentence connectors?
1) Marcus Shawcross believes that the television had turned the average person into a mindless lump (synonym) who just obeys what the television tells him.
2) He is lured into (synonym) the TV trap with the deceptive label of interactivity, but the only interaction is between the TV and the viewer’s wallet. Marcus invites people to read a book or take a walk instead of watching TV.
3) Thomas believes that he is old enough to understand that television is not real life. He believes that many adults censor the television because they fear to lose control over their children.
4) In his opinion, kids watch it mainly for entertainment. Furthermore, when programs are labeled as bad or controversial, then more people tend to watch them. In other words, censorship generates the opposite effect.
1. delete "the" in front of "television"; "has turned" (not "had turned"); http://www.answers.com/topic/automaton
2. "He is drawn into..." http://thesaurus.com/browse/lure
3. "... because they fear losing control ..."
4. OK
1) Sentence 1 looks good in terms of word choice and sentence connectors. However, there is a small grammatical issue in the phrase "obeys what the television tells him." The pronoun "him" implies a male subject, so if you want to keep it gender-neutral, you can change it to "obeys what the television tells them."
2) Sentence 2 also looks good in terms of word choice and sentence connectors. However, instead of "lured into," you could use the synonym "entrapped" or "seduced." This would make the sentence more varied and engaging.
3) Sentence 3 is well-constructed, but there is a small grammatical issue. Instead of saying "many adults censor the television," it would be more accurate to say "many adults censor what their children watch on television." This change makes the sentence more specific and clearer in meaning.
4) Sentence 4 looks good in terms of word choice and sentence connectors. However, instead of "generate the opposite effect," you can use the phrase "have the opposite effect." This change makes the sentence more concise and idiomatic.
In summary, the sentences are well-written, and the word choices and sentence connectors are effective. Just make the small adjustments mentioned above to improve clarity and accuracy.