Need help changing my passive voice words in my academic paragraph...
In comparing paragraphs one and two, the flow and comprehension of paragraph two was much better. In paragraph one the author seemed to just be telling the facts instead of explaining them. The paragraph contained many short and choppy sentences that did not flow well together. Paragraph two used complete sentences that outlined a problem, described the problem and what is done to correct the problem. Paragraph one tells a problem without outlining the whole idea. The answer is given to the problem but a detailed description to accomplish. Paragraph one seemed to be many random ideas thrown together, they were based on the same topic but were not tied together well. Paragraph two seemed to tell a story of a problem and gave a clear solution. In general paragraph two was written using sentences that came together well on one topic and used a variety of different sentence structure. Paragraph one stuck to one topic but used all short sentences that told a problem instead of going into detail and describing it. Paragraph two was written much better and with better fluidity than paragraph one.
"The answer is given to the problem but a detailed description to accomplish."
This sentence has a passive voice verb. It also doesn't make sense.
"Paragraph one seemed to be many random ideas thrown together, they were based on the same topic but were not tied together well."
This sentence has a passive voice verb.
"In general paragraph two was written using sentences that came together well on one topic and used a variety of different sentence structure. "
This sentence has a passive voice verb.
"Paragraph two was written much better and with better fluidity than paragraph one."
This sentence has a passive voice verb.
If you post your corrections, we'll be glad to check them.
In comparing paragraphs one and two, I found the flow and comprehension of paragraph two to be much better. In paragraph one, the author was simply telling the facts instead of explaining them. The paragraph contained many short and choppy sentences that did not flow well together. Paragraph two used complete sentences that outlined a problem, described the problem, and told how to correct the problem. Paragraph one states a problem without outlining the whole idea. The solution is given for the problem, but no detailed description to reach the solution. Paragraph one had many random ideas thrown together, which were based on the same topic, but were not tied together well. Paragraph two told a story about a problem and gave a clear solution. In general, paragraph two has sentences that came together well on one topic and used a variety of different sentence structure. Paragraph one stayed with one topic, but used all short sentences that told about a problem instead of going into detail and describing it. Paragraph two is much better and has better fluidity than paragraph one does.
Compare yours and mine very carefully. Look for changes in wording as well as in punctuation.
To change the passive voice words in your academic paragraph, you can follow these steps:
Step 1: Identify the passive voice sentences or phrases.
- In comparing paragraphs one and two, the flow and comprehension of paragraph two was much better.
- The paragraph contained many short and choppy sentences that did not flow well together.
- Paragraph one tells a problem without outlining the whole idea.
- The answer is given to the problem but a detailed description to accomplish.
- They were based on the same topic but were not tied together well.
- Paragraph one seemed to be many random ideas thrown together.
- Paragraph two seemed to tell a story of a problem and gave a clear solution.
- Paragraph one stuck to one topic but used all short sentences that told a problem instead of going into detail and describing it.
- Paragraph two was written much better and with better fluidity than paragraph one.
Step 2: Convert the passive voice sentences to active voice.
- In comparing paragraphs one and two, paragraph two demonstrated a better flow and comprehension.
- The paragraph contained many short and choppy sentences that did not flow well together.
- Paragraph one fails to outline the whole idea but simply presents a problem.
- The problem is addressed, but without a detailed description on how to accomplish it.
- The ideas were based on the same topic but lacked proper cohesion.
- Paragraph one appears to be a compilation of random ideas.
- Paragraph two narrates a problem and provides a clear solution.
- Paragraph one focuses on one topic but consists solely of short sentences that state a problem without describing it in detail.
- Paragraph two outperforms paragraph one by exhibiting improved fluidity and structure.
Step 3: Review and revise the paragraph using active voice.
In comparing paragraphs one and two, paragraph two demonstrated a better flow and comprehension. It contained many short and choppy sentences that did not flow well together. Unlike paragraph one, which failed to outline the whole idea and merely presented a problem, paragraph two addressed the problem and provided a clear solution. Although both paragraphs were based on the same topic, paragraph one lacked proper cohesion, appearing as a compilation of random ideas. In contrast, paragraph two narrated a problem and provided a detailed description of how to solve it. Furthermore, while paragraph one focused solely on the specific problem with short sentences, paragraph two exhibited improved fluidity and structure by using a variety of sentence structures to explore the topic comprehensively.
To change the passive voice words in your academic paragraph, you'll need to identify the passive voice constructions and rephrase them into active voice. Here are the revisions:
1. In comparing paragraphs one and two, we observed that the flow and comprehension of paragraph two were much better. (Passive: "was much better")
2. In paragraph one, the author seemed to merely state the facts instead of explaining them. (Passive: "seemed to just be telling")
3. The paragraph consisted of many short and choppy sentences that did not flow well together. (Passive: "contained many short and choppy sentences")
4. Paragraph two employed complete sentences to outline a problem, describe it, and propose a solution. (Passive: "used complete sentences that outlined a problem, described the problem")
5. Instead of providing a detailed description to resolve the problem, paragraph one presented only the answer to the problem. (Passive: "The answer is given to the problem but a detailed description to accomplish.")
6. Although paragraph one centered on the same topic, the ideas appeared randomly assembled without proper cohesion. (Passive: "seemed to be many random ideas thrown together")
7. In contrast, paragraph two narrated a problem and offered a clear solution, providing a well-structured narrative. (Passive: "Paragraph two seemed to tell a story of a problem and gave a clear solution.")
8. Paragraph two demonstrated better writing by using coherent sentences that focused on a single topic and utilized various sentence structures. (Passive: "Paragraph two was written using sentences that came together well on one topic and used a variety of different sentence structure.")
9. Unlike paragraph one, which used all short sentences to state the problem without elaboration, paragraph two went into detail to describe it. (Passive: "Paragraph one stuck to one topic but used all short sentences that told a problem instead of going into detail and describing it.")
10. Overall, paragraph two exhibited better writing skills and greater fluidity compared to paragraph one. (Passive: "Paragraph two was written much better and with better fluidity than paragraph one.")