Can you review this rough draft of an outline for a persuasive essay and provide any feedback? Thanks in advance!
I. Introduction
Even though some feel as though a student having a credit card can teach financial responsibility, a credit card company should not be allowed to market to students on campus. Students are not mature enough to make such long term financial decisions and understand the link between long term financial hardships and early debt.
II. Students are not mature enough to make long term financial decisions.
1. The process of obtaining credit to too easy and most students will not
fully understand the terms.
A. Fees and associated costs are not easily understood and are often hidden in the fine print.
B. Belief that use now pay later is an easy way to obtain the things wanted vs. needed.
2. Effects of early established debt can lead to long term financial problems.
A. A negative credit file will follow a student for years to come.
B. A student will face the inability to obtain needed items such as transportation, supplies etc.
III. High debt load leads to devastating financial losses.
1. Bankruptcy filing on the rise among those of college students
A. effects of bankruptcy
B. Higher drop out rates
2. Inability to obtain insurance or loans
A. Relying on parents for basics
B. Unable to obtain leases
C. can affect personal relationships
IV. Alternatives available that can build strong credit history, provide financial resources.
1. Checking and savings accounts
A. Helps build history with banks.
B. reduces likelihood of negative credit
2. Smaller consumer loans available
A. Easy to understand terms
B. Short repayment terms
C. solid beginning to credit history
Conclusion
Eliminating the ability for credit card companies to market to college students on campus can only help ensure the financial security of students by removing the temptation to spend more than they can pay back and enabling the student to make smarter more financially sound decisions.
Much better, but I think you need to clarify which ONE SENTENCE is your thesis statement.
Your ideas are fine. Use sections II, III, and IV to start drafting the body of your paper. Don't work on the intro and concl until the body of the paper is just right.
If you want to post the paragraphs you draft for those three sections for feedback, feel free to do so.
Thank you so much! I wasn't sure on the thesis statement but that really helped clarify things for me.
For thesis statements:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into a real thesis statement.
Just remember: Your thesis statement must include factual information plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
Overall, the outline for the persuasive essay seems well-structured and covers the main points effectively. Here are a few suggestions to enhance the outline:
1. In the introduction, consider providing a brief explanation of why credit card companies are allowed to market to students. This will help set the context for the argument and provide more background information.
2. To strengthen the argument in the introduction, consider including a brief refutation of the opposing viewpoint. This will demonstrate that you have considered different perspectives and strengthen your own stance.
3. Under the first point of "Students are not mature enough to make long term financial decisions," consider providing specific examples or statistics to support the claim. This will add credibility to your argument.
4. When discussing the effects of early established debt in point 2, it might be useful to mention potential consequences in terms of stress, mental health, or future employment opportunities. This will help build a stronger case for the negative impacts of debt.
5. In the section about high debt load leading to devastating financial losses, you could include examples of how bankruptcy and drop-out rates are specifically linked to student credit card debt. This will further strengthen your argument by providing concrete evidence.
6. Consider expanding on the alternatives available in point 4 by providing specific examples of checking and savings accounts and smaller consumer loans. This will help the reader understand how these alternatives can be beneficial for students and build a strong credit history.
7. In the conclusion, you could restate the main points briefly and make a more powerful final statement that leaves a lasting impression on the reader. Consider emphasizing the importance of financial security for students and the long-term benefits of removing credit card marketing on campuses.
Remember that this feedback is based on the outline alone, so it would be important to ensure that the content of the essay itself aligns with the points mentioned in the outline.