English

I am doing a persuasive speech on any topic. This is my speech so far. It has to have 4 points and be 3 mins to 7 mins long. What else could i add to make it more interesting and include the audience more?

"Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise," said Ben Franklin.
But does this quote also apply to teenagers? How many of you feel tired throughout the school day, have no strength to get up out of your bed in the morning and wish you could stay at home all day just snuggling up in your nice warm bed. Teenagers are known to stay up late and sleep in. High school timetables as they are now are not designed to maximise student learning because they do not support teenage brain development. High Schools across New Zealand should start later to maximise learning at a crucial stage of teenage academic development. By starting later in the morning teenagers will be able to concentrate more in class; grades will improve and they will achieve more; their will be less negative consequences resulting from stressful morning routines. Also because teenagers brains don’t function efficiently early in the morning.

Firstly, High schools across New Zealand should start later because teenager’s brains don’t function efficiently early in the morning. Teenagers tend to go to sleep late but still have to wake up early in the morning because of school timetables. Even though their eyes are open, their brain is still in a state of sleep. Therefore they cannot concentrate on learning. Teenagers have different sleeping patterns to adults and need more sleep than anyone else, but in effect they are getting less. Teenagers need 8 1/2 to 9 hours or more of sleep each night, but most only get 6 or 7. They tend to stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning and sleep in till noon. When Monday comes teenagers sleeping patterns changes enormously to met traditional school timetables.

Secondly, High schools across New Zealand should start later because teenagers will be able to concentrate more in class. Lack of sleep means concentration in school is not so good and teens are then less able to function normally. When teenagers don’t get enough sleep required it limits their ability to learn, listen concentrate, solve problems or even stay awake in class.

Thirdly, High schools across New Zealand should start later because grades will improve and they will achieve more. Lack of sleep affects teenagers learning. This doesn't benefits the students or the school. Teenagers that are sleep-deprived tend to be the students with lower grades and less academic achievements. New Zealand Education Minister, Anne Tolley believes that rules surrounding hours are outdated and that there should be more flexibility if schools felt it would improve student performance. For example, when high school start times changed at Minneapolis Public Schools in the US, they found that students got more sleep grades improved and their moods and attitude improved towards learning. They also noticed a significant improvement in the performance of their students. Grade and achievements effect teenagers future. If not enough sleep causes low grades it will affect their job opportunities later in life because they will have no qualifications.

Finally, High schools across New Zealand should start later because of the negative consequences resulting from stressful morning routines. Studies in the US found that teens that start school later in the day had fewer car accidents, ate healthier breakfasts and missed fewer classes. Parents of Minneapolis students reported that it was easier to talk and to live with them as a result of a later staring time. Sleepiness makes teenagers hard to get along with and live with, especially in the morning when they are grumpy from being woken up. Lack of sleep can lead to more aggressive and inappropriate behaviour, such as yelling or being impatient with your family in the morning. These behaviour habits will stick with them for the rest of their lives and in serious situations they want know how to handle it appropriately.

In conclusion High Schools across New Zealand should start later to maximise learning at a crucial stage of teenagers academic development, because teenager’s brains don’t function efficiently early in the morning; teenagers will be able to concentrate more in class; grades will improve and they will achieve more; also because of the consequences resulting from stressful morning routines. American Congress woman Zoe Lofgren said, "Over time, sleep deprivation leads to serious consequences for academic achievement, social behaviour, and the health and safety of our nation's youth.” To me this means that teenagers with lack of sleep gain inappropriate social behaviour and skills, they can get sleeping disorders and diseases, and sleepiness causes them to be tired during school, fall asleep in class and receive low grades and no academic achievements.

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  1. "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise," said Ben Franklin.
    But does this quote also apply to teenagers? <~~I would make this a statement not a question, and I'd phrase it in the negative: "This wise quotation doesn't seem to apply to today's teenagers since most are not 'early to bed.'" How many of you feel tired throughout the school day, have no strength to get up out of your bed in the morning and wish you could stay at home all day just snuggling up in your nice warm bed. Teenagers are known to stay up late and sleep in. High school timetables as they are now are not designed to maximise student learning because they do not support teenage brain development. High schools across New Zealand should start later to maximise learning at a crucial stage of teenage academic development. By starting later in the morning teenagers will be able to concentrate more in class; grades will improve and they<~~GRADES will achieve more? will achieve more; their<~~?? will be fewer negative consequences resulting from stressful morning routines. Also because teenagers brains don’t function efficiently early in the morning.<~~not a complete sentence

    Go through the entire speech looking for similar errors. Make sure all pronouns (such as "they") have clear antecedents. Make sure all sentences follow each other logically. I also see comma and apostrophe errors, but since this is a speech, they won't matter.

  2. I have to say you have the best writing I ever saw you don't have to add anything if this impressed me then it could impress the audience.

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