Okay, so this is just a few setences from my paragraph and I'm not sure how to continue with it.
Another example would be that Romeo does , since he thinks that Juliet is dead. Next, Since he kills himself for Juliet, it's showing how much he really does love her. The metaphor is that if you really love someone, you will take the bullet for them, Romeo on the other hand took that serious and really did . In his eyes, Love is truley a powerful emotion to him.
Does this sound good?
It's wordy in a few places, and somewhat repetitive.
Also, since you haven't posted the context, we have no idea what you've already written. "Another example" -- example of what? other examples??
Wordy: "Next, Since he kills himself for Juliet, it's showing how much he really does love her." How can you write that in fewer words, with no repetition?
What is "it" (the word after Juliet)?
How can you revise and get the "you" words out of there?
There are a couple of capital letters in there that baffle me.
Do you have a spell checker?
Yes, I've got a spell checker. It's the interwebs and fairly just a rough draft. But thank you for helping me. I do realize it's wordy and I'm going to try and bring it down.
Thanks.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
Here are some ideas to help with wordiness.
Be sure to repost if you want someone here to read your next draft.
=)
who killed juliet
Your paragraph has a clear direction and effectively conveys the idea that Romeo's willingness to die for Juliet signifies the depth of his love for her. However, there are a few areas where you can make improvements to enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing.
Here's an edited version of your paragraph:
"Another example of Romeo's love for Juliet is his ultimate sacrifice of taking his own life when he mistakenly believes she is dead. This act highlights the profound extent of his affection for her. It can be seen as a metaphorical representation of how true love compels individuals to go to great lengths for each other. Romeo's genuine belief that dying for Juliet is the ultimate expression of love demonstrates how powerful love is to him."
Now, you might be wondering how I made those changes. Here's how:
1. Clarify the cause and effect: Specify that Romeo kills himself because he believes Juliet is dead. This will provide more context and make the sequence of events clearer.
2. Connect ideas smoothly: Use transitional words like "Another example" and "This act" in your sentences to help the reader follow your train of thought more easily.
3. Clarify the metaphor: Make it explicit that the metaphor you're referring to is the idea that "if you really love someone, you will take the bullet for them." This clears up any ambiguity for the reader.
4. Enhance clarity: Revise the sentence, "Romeo on the other hand took that serious and really did ." Instead, focus on the underlying emotion and explain how Romeo genuinely believed that dying for Juliet was a powerful expression of love. This will improve the clarity and coherence of your paragraph.
Remember, writing is a process of refining and revising, so feel free to make further improvements based on your own judgment and writing style.