Romeo and Juliet Essay Question!

Okay, so this is just a few setences from my paragraph and I'm not sure how to continue with it.

Another example would be that Romeo does kill himself, since he thinks that Juliet is dead. Next, Since he kills himself for Juliet, it's showing how much he really does love her. The metaphor is that if you really love someone, you will take the bullet for them, Romeo on the other hand took that serious and really did kill himself. In his eyes, Love is truley a powerful emotion to him.

Does this sound good?

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  1. It's wordy in a few places, and somewhat repetitive.

    Also, since you haven't posted the context, we have no idea what you've already written. "Another example" -- example of what? other examples??

    Wordy: "Next, Since he kills himself for Juliet, it's showing how much he really does love her." How can you write that in fewer words, with no repetition?

    What is "it" (the word after Juliet)?

    How can you revise and get the "you" words out of there?

    There are a couple of capital letters in there that baffle me.

    Do you have a spell checker?

  2. Yes, I've got a spell checker. It's the interwebs and fairly just a rough draft. But thank you for helping me. I do realize it's wordy and I'm going to try and bring it down.

    Thanks.

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    posted by Allyson
  3. http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
    Here are some ideas to help with wordiness.

    Be sure to repost if you want someone here to read your next draft.

    =)

  4. who killed juliet

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