I really need you to check these sentences on Owen's poem please.
1)In the second stanza, most of the soldiers succeed in putting on their clumsy gas masks. Someone, however, is still crying out for help, unable to move quickly and easily enough to put on his mask, as if he's stuck in fire or lime.
2) Through the misty green panes of the gas mask, the poet sees (not saw) his friend who looks as if he is (were: since it is not true) drowning in the deadly gas. 3) The memory of his dying friend returns in his dreams, and he cannot stop them. The poet cannot help seeing his friend, lunging at him as he asks for help and then is dying.
4) His friend moves towards him, like a guttering candle which is about to go out, choking and drowning.
5) In the third stanza, the poet wonders if the readers can imagine walking behind a wagon into which his (not their) dying friends had been thrown once they couldn't walk. (is it OK to use the past here though the rephrase is in the simple present?)
6) He wonders if readers can see his friend's face, with its (or his?) skin starting to fall off, and his white eyes writhing.
Thank you
4. "like a guttering candle" I know there is such an expression, but, = could that be "sputtering" or glittering candle or flickering candle?"
5. For "sequence of tense" I prefer "has"
Sra
2. This reads strangely to me with "were" even though it's correct that it's a 'contrary to fact' use of the subjunctive. You'll have to read it aloud and decide. I'd keep "is" but you may want to keep "were."
5. In the third stanza, the poet wonders if the readers can imagine walking behind a wagon into which their dying friends have been thrown once they cannot walk.
6. Keep "its" since the reference is to "skin." Remove the comma after "off."
Here are some webpages to help explain ...
... sequence of tenses
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htm#sequence
Be sure to click on the word HERE to see the chart provided.
... pronoun/antecedent agreement
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm
1) The sentences in the first stanza are grammatically correct. However, there are a few suggestions that can improve the clarity and flow of the sentences:
"In the second stanza, most soldiers succeed in putting on their clumsy gas masks. However, there is someone still crying out for help, unable to move quickly enough to put on their mask, as if they are stuck in fire or lime."
2) The sentences in the second stanza contain some grammatical errors. Here's a revised version:
"Through the misty green panes of the gas mask, the poet sees his friend, who appears as if he is drowning in the deadly gas."
3) The sentences in the third stanza are grammatically correct. However, a slight improvement can be made for clarity:
"The memory of his dying friend haunts the poet's dreams, and he cannot stop them. The poet vividly sees his friend lunging at him, pleading for help, and then succumbing to death."
4) The sentence in the fourth stanza is grammatically correct. No changes are needed.
5) The sentence in the fifth stanza can be rephrased slightly for clarity:
"Can you imagine walking behind a wagon into which his dying friends had been thrown because they couldn't walk anymore?" (Using the past tense here is appropriate as you are referring to an event that has already happened).
6) The sentence in the sixth stanza is grammatically correct. However, using "his friend's face" instead of "his face" would be more accurate to the context of referring to a specific person.
Overall, the revised sentences provide clearer and more accurate descriptions of the poet's experiences and emotions in Owen's poem.