improving your writing

Please let me know what you think. It's for an exam. Thank you

For the past three months, work-related problems have occurred in the office and need to be addressed. Before Jessica Hilo’s medical leave, the workload was equally divided. There were no problems with the quality or amount of work being given, and there were no overtime expenses. Jack Snyder, a full-time assistant, who supports Jessica and Ralph Alane. Ruth Disselkoen, a part-time assistant, who supports Samuel Daley and Frank Daley. Due to Jessica’s absence her work has temporarily been assigned to Ralph and Frank. As a result, the workload is no longer equally divided. Jack’s work is always on time and professionally done, however, he has been late to work and is taking extra breaks. Ruth has been working overtime to maintain the workload, costing the company $200 each month. She clearly shows signs of being overtired and overworked, causing her quality of work to be less than satisfactory. We need to confront these issues to save on overtime costs and distribute the workload equally.

We need to modify Jack and Ruth’s workload temporarily until Jessica’s return. My suggestion would be for Jack and Ruth to change jobs for the time being. This would equally distribute the workload, cut the overtime, increase job performance, and minimize stress. We should implement these changes for at least three weeks. By then, we should have an idea if Jessica is returning to work, and can determine if we need to replace her or to continue with this arrangement.

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  1. These are not complete sentences:
    "Jack Snyder, a full-time assistant, who supports Jessica and Ralph Alane. Ruth Disselkoen, a part-time assistant, who supports Samuel Daley and Frank Daley."
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm

    Change "Due to" to "Because of"

    Fix run-on:
    "Jack’s work is always on time and professionally done, however, he has been late to work and is taking extra breaks."
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

    Unclear:
    "for Jack and Ruth to change jobs for the time being"
    Their jobs should be changed? Or they should exchange jobs? Or what?

    Unclear:
    "should implement these changes"
    What changes? I see only one change given above.

    Incomplete:
    "and can determine if we need to replace her or to continue with this arrangement."
    There is no subject for the verb (can determine) in this clause.

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    Writeacher
  2. This was always my worst subject. Can you please check the changes I made? Thank you very much for your time.

    For the past three months, work-related problems have occurred in the office and need to be addressed. Before Jessica Hilo’s medical leave, the workload was equally divided. There were no problems with the quality or amount of work being given, and there were no overtime expenses. Jack Snyder, a full-time assistant, works for Jessica and Ralph Alane. Ruth Disselkoen, a part-time assistant, works for Samuel Daley and Frank Daley. Because of Jessica’s absence her work has temporarily been assigned to Ralph and Frank. As a result, the workload is no longer equally divided. Lately I have noticed that Jack has less work to do, been tardy a few times, and takes longer breaks then permitted. However, the work that he does have is professionally done, as before. Ruth has been working overtime to maintain the workload, costing the company $200 each month. She clearly shows signs of being overtired and overworked, causing her quality of work to be less than satisfactory. We need to confront these issues to save on overtime costs and distribute the workload equally.

    Since were not sure if or when Jessica is returning to work, we need to modify Jack and Ruth’s workload temporarily. My suggestion would be for Jack and Ruth to exchange jobs for the time being. This would equally distribute the workload, cut the overtime, increase job performance, and minimize stress. We should implement this plan for at least three weeks. By then, we should have an idea if Jessica is returning to work, and then we can determine if we need to replace her or to continue with this arrangement.

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  3. I have the same assignment,I was wondering what you had put down,I was thinking of just spliting the work between Ruth and Jack that way Ruth wont be too overwhelmed? yay or nay?

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