Can someone check my answer and let me know if it is missing something?
Make any necessary corrections to the following paragraph- look for sound alike words, verb tense shift, singular subject/pronoun agreement etc…
Tom Greene, Director of Sales, was in the office yesterday. He shows the staff various new products for marketing and asked that staff attention be devoted to promoting the new items. He said that each customer would want the new items because a person wants the most for their money. The employees are always happy to see Tom because he is the favorite of all the bosses he is considerate, hardworking and funny. Your never going to see Tom lose his temper at work; its just not in his nature.
my editing:
Tom Greene, Director of Sales, was in the office yesterday. He showed the staff various new products for marketing and asked that, attention be devoted to promoting the new items. He said that, each customer would want the new items because a person wants the most for their money. The employees are always happy to see Tom. because He is the favorite of all the bosses. He is considerate, hardworking, and funny. You will never going to see Tom lose his temper at work; it is just not in his nature.
Did you read Ms. Sue's response to you below?
Yes I did. bellow is my answer to my HW. Maybe I'm confuse, please check my answer and tel me what Is wrong with it. I', really trying.
I got the system now. sorry. Thanks!
You're welcome. :-)
Explain what is wrong with the following sentence and make any corrections if necessary: “Neither the mouse nor the rats could find its way through the maze.”
Your edited paragraph is mostly correct, but there are a few minor mistakes. Here is the corrected version:
"Tom Greene, Director of Sales, was in the office yesterday. He showed the staff various new products for marketing and asked that attention be devoted to promoting the new items. He said that each customer would want the new items because people want the most for their money. The employees are always happy to see Tom because he is the favorite of all the bosses. He is considerate, hardworking, and funny. You will never see Tom lose his temper at work; it is just not in his nature."
Explanation:
1. Verb tense shift: In the original paragraph, "shows" was used instead of "showed." The verb "showed" is correct because it matches the past tense of "was."
2. Singular subject/pronoun agreement: In the original paragraph, "staff attention" was used instead of "attention." We remove the word "staff" because it is not needed for clarity or agreement.
3. Sound alike words: In the original paragraph, "because a person wants the most for their money" was used instead of "because people want the most for their money." The word "person" should be changed to "people" to maintain subject-verb agreement.
4. Verb tense: In the original paragraph, "Your never going to see" was used instead of "You will never see." The phrase "going to see" should be changed to "will see" to indicate future tense.
5. Pronoun shift: In the original paragraph, "he is considerate, hardworking, and funny. Your never going to see Tom lose his temper at work" was used instead of "He is considerate, hardworking, and funny. You will never see Tom lose his temper at work." The pronoun "he" should be changed to "He" to maintain consistency.
Overall, your edits were accurate, but there were a few minor mistakes that were corrected to improve the grammar and clarity of the paragraph.