I need to know if my paragraph is properly punctuated.
Dear Jordyn,
I am thrilled you’re moving back to town, and looking for a job. My boss, Mrs. Cartucci,
is seeking a personal assistant to help manage JR’s Fashions sales department. The
skills required for the position are, good communication skills, scheduling appointments,
ordering and organizing the inventory, and occasionally running errands. Working in a
trendy department store has given you an eye for fashion as well as how to deal with
people. You’re well organized, dependable, friendly, and have a
positive attitude. As a person with these traits, Mrs. Cartucci would consider you an asset
to JR’s Fashions. Professionally this job also offers plenty of opportunities for
advancement. Therefore, I hope you consider applying for the position.
Take out the comma in the first sentance. It should read ...town and looking.
change everything after help manage to:
help manage the sales department of JR's Fashions.
change the comma after position are to a semi-colan. ...for the position are;
scheduling appointments should be the ability to schedule appointments
to occasionally run errands isn't a skill. Change to
scheduling appointments and ordering/organising the inventory. Must be willing to run errands.
Change working in a trendy sentance to
Prior experience neccassary in a department store. You have an eye for fashion and good customer knowledge.
I'm assuming you know this person? IN the letter so you should say
Jordyn, I'm so excited for you! You are excatly the person for this job and I'm sure Mrs Cartucci would love to have you aboard.
If you want to add in the bit about advancement then hash it in before you start with your conclusion.
Also remember to finish your letter with a sincerely or love or something, then your name.
I am thrilled you’re moving back to town and looking for a job. My boss, Mrs. Cartucci, is seeking a personal assistant to help manage the sales department at JR’s Fashions. The skills required for the position are these: communicating well, scheduling appointments, ordering, and organizing the inventory, and occasionally running errands. Working in a trendy department store has given you an eye for fashion, as well as how to deal with people. You’re well organized, dependable, friendly, and have a positive attitude. As a person with these traits, Mrs. Cartucci would consider you an asset
to JR’s Fashions. Professionally, this job also offers plenty of opportunities for advancement. Therefore, I hope you consider applying for the position.
Compare what you wrote with my re-do of your paragraph. There are a few error in what JJ wrote.
Also there's a parallelism problem here:
You’re well organized, dependable, friendly, and have a positive attitude. Do you see it? How will you fix it?
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
Overall, the paragraph is properly punctuated with a few exceptions. Here's an analysis of the punctuation:
1. "Dear Jordyn," - This greeting is properly punctuated with a comma after the name.
2. "I am thrilled you’re moving back to town, and looking for a job." - This sentence is properly punctuated with a comma before the coordinating conjunction "and."
3. "My boss, Mrs. Cartucci," - This description of the boss is properly punctuated with a comma after the job title.
4. "The skills required for the position are, good communication skills, scheduling appointments, ordering and organizing the inventory, and occasionally running errands." - This sentence has a few punctuational errors. Firstly, there is a comma after "are," which is unnecessary. Secondly, the list items ("good communication skills," "scheduling appointments," etc.) should be separated by commas without any conjunctions. Therefore, the corrected sentence would be: "The skills required for the position are good communication skills, scheduling appointments, ordering and organizing the inventory, and occasionally running errands."
5. "Working in a trendy department store has given you an eye for fashion as well as how to deal with people." - This sentence is properly punctuated.
6. "You’re well organized, dependable, friendly, and have a positive attitude." - This sentence is properly punctuated. However, it could benefit from the use of parallel structure by including "and" before the last item in the list. Therefore, the corrected sentence would be: "You're well organized, dependable, friendly, and have a positive attitude."
7. "As a person with these traits, Mrs. Cartucci would consider you an asset to JR’s Fashions." - This sentence is properly punctuated.
8. "Professionally this job also offers plenty of opportunities for advancement." - This sentence is properly punctuated.
9. "Therefore, I hope you consider applying for the position." - This sentence is properly punctuated with a comma after the introductory word "therefore."
To summarize, the paragraph is mostly properly punctuated with minor errors in the list and the parallel structure.