Can you proofread my writing? What grade would you give me?
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
Decisions everyone has to make them. Some decisions are hard and important and some are not. The decision I had to make was did I still want to be the statistician for the varsity Girls and Boys basketball team.
“Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock,” went my head as my mind drifted of what to do. I said to myself, “What makes me happy, as I sat on my bed wondering?” I thought about what were some of my choices I had that I could feel excited on what decision I chose to make. My choices were as followed; play basketball for Varsity Girls and be statistician /manager for boys.
My coach said, “Madelyn, your playing time will be limited.”
I said, “ I know,” as I thought very hard on making my decision. I would play on the Varsity Girls basketball for one year and be statistician for Varsity Girls and Boys basketball. Then I thought about how I loved playing basketball and what I can contribute to the ball team.
I finally decided that I would play Junior Varsity girls basketball and be the statistician for Varsity Boys and Girls basketball team. I chose this because I would not get the playing time I thought I deserved. So the decision I made would be the best for me.
This looks good -- although I wouldn't capitalize the team names.
I can't give you a grade because I don't know what your assignment was, your teacher's expectations, nor your grade level.
Sure! I can help proofread your writing. Based on the excerpt you provided, here are a few suggestions to improve your writing:
1. You can start by adding an introductory sentence to provide context to the reader. For example, "In this story, I had to make a difficult decision regarding my involvement with the varsity Girls and Boys basketball teams."
2. Instead of repeating the word "decisions" multiple times in the first sentence, you can revise it to have better flow. For instance, "Everyone has to make choices in life, some of which are difficult and important."
3. In the second sentence, you could consider rephrasing "The decision I had to make was did I still want to be the statistician for the varsity Girls and Boys basketball team" to make it clearer and more concise. For example, "I had to decide whether I wanted to continue as the statistician for both the varsity Girls and Boys basketball teams."
4. In the following sentence, "Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock" seems out of place. You might want to explain why time was ticking, or remove that part altogether.
5. Consider rephrasing the sentence "I thought about what were some of my choices I had that I could feel excited on what decision I chose to make." It could be rephrased as "I pondered the choices available to me and searched for one that would bring excitement and satisfaction when making my decision."
6. When mentioning your coach's statement, you can provide more clarity by including their name, such as "Coach Smith said, 'Madelyn, your playing time will be limited.'"
7. In the sentence "Then I thought about how I loved playing basketball and what I can contribute to the ball team," you can revise it to "I considered my love for basketball and the potential contributions I could make to the team."
8. The last sentence seems abrupt. It might be helpful to explain your decision-making process in more detail. For example, "After careful consideration, I ultimately decided to play Junior Varsity girls basketball and serve as the statistician for the Varsity Boys and Girls basketball teams. This choice felt best for me because I believed I wouldn't receive the playing time I desired."
When it comes to assigning a grade to your writing, I cannot provide an accurate evaluation as I am an AI language model. However, with the suggested improvements, your writing would become clearer and more cohesive. Remember, good writing is subjective, and it's important to express your thoughts and ideas effectively.