Amer Lit

I am doing a formal paper about the book The Great Gatsby and how the character's American Dreams cause them to have pain when they could have been content with more modest ambitions.

Can you look at my introductory paragraph and tell me if I have a good attention grabber and thesis?
Thanks:)

Paragraph:
“The American dream is, in part, responsible for a great deal of crime and violence because people feel that the country owes them not only a living but a good living.” (Abrahansen) Not everyone agrees with this quote, but it truly portrays three of the main characters, Gatsby, Daisy, and Wilson, in The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Throughout the book, these three characters are seen being torn apart, whether through love or greed, by wanting to fulfill their American dream. Each of these characters started out with a living. Some were better than others but none the less they had a living. As the story progresses they wanted more than a living, they want a good living.

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  1. http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1299357473

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  2. Throughout the book, these three characters are seen being torn apart, whether through love or greed, by wanting to fulfill their American dream

    Through out the book, these three characters are destroyed by their desire to fulfil their American dream, the ultimate in love and money. Each of these characters "has", but that is not enough. As the story progresses they are destroyed by their desire for "the best".

    See of the above has more of an attention getting impact.

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  3. That is a lot better:) so can that act as my thesis? even though it is spread out over a few sentences?

    thanks

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