Is this a decent thesis statement or is it too long?
The imbalance in racial diversity in the field of pharmacy brings a need for more in-depth cultural competency training programs in colleges of pharmacy so they can better understand, relate, and provide appropriate health care service to their patients.
It isn't too long. It just doesn't seem like a good thesis to me. I don't see any opinion of YOURS in there. As it is, it's factual -- who would argue with the statement?
Did you truly read and study the information and examples in the two links I gave you earlier?
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1296337918
Actually I did I'm just having a hard time coming up with a thesis. Everything seems to be a fact.
One thing you need to do is to define "imbalance in racial diversity."
What does this term/phrase mean?
What would it mean to have balance in racial diversity?
What would you suggest as to how to achieve that?
And why would it be important?
There is no "YOU" in your statement so far. There is nothing there to indicate what YOU believe.
The thesis statement you provided is a bit lengthy but it effectively highlights the main argument of your paper. To determine if it is suitable or too long, let's break it down and analyze its components:
"The imbalance in racial diversity in the field of pharmacy brings a need for more in-depth cultural competency training programs in colleges of pharmacy."
- This part of the thesis statement clearly states the issue or problem you will be addressing, which is the racial diversity imbalance in pharmacy. However, it could be more concise by stating the need for cultural competency training programs directly.
"So they can better understand, relate, and provide appropriate health care service to their patients."
- This part specifies the purpose or desired outcome of implementing the cultural competency training programs. It explains how these programs will help pharmacists improve their understanding, relate to patients, and provide appropriate healthcare services.
Though it might be advisable to condense this thesis statement, it largely depends on the guidelines provided by your instructor or the specific requirements of your paper. However, you can consider revising it to something like:
"The field of pharmacy requires more in-depth cultural competency training programs in order to improve patient care through increased understanding and effective communication."
Remember that a well-crafted thesis statement is concise, specific, and clearly states the main argument of your paper. Also, ensure that it accurately reflects the overall focus and content of your essay.