o Identify which paragraph was more effective and analyze why this is so.
o Include a discussion of sentence variety and the rhythm of the author’s writing.
o Focus on the writing rather than the opinions presented.
o Underline your topic sentence.
Did I do everything correctly? What can I do to make my paragraph better?
Debt in America is extremely common, many people are loosing everything they have because of financial trouble. I read paragraphs three and five. I found the most effective paragraph to be three even though the writer has a lot of run on sentences making the writing boring to read. because the writer goes into detail about individuals who are denied credit. He or she should have broke up the sentences more to add rhythm to the work. The writer could have been more descriptive and went more into detail. The author explains that people can be denied credit if they have to much outstanding bills, late payments or even to much credit to begin with. I do like that fact that he or she added that individuals that are denied credit will receive a letter in the mail stating why so they have the opportunity to improve their credit, so they will be able to receive credit in the future.
Can we do this fairly without having read what you read first?
Sra
You have done a good job in addressing the main points required in the paragraph, but there are a few areas that could be improved to make it stronger.
First, it's important to start your paragraph with a clear topic sentence that directly states which paragraph you found more effective and why. This helps to provide a clear roadmap for your analysis. Underlining the topic sentence can make it more easily identifiable for the reader.
Secondly, it is important to maintain a consistent style and tone throughout your writing. In your paragraph, it would be better to use formal language and avoid contractions like "loosing" and "don't".
Additionally, your analysis on sentence variety and rhythm is a good point to include. However, it would be helpful to provide specific examples from the paragraph that you are analyzing to support your statements. For instance, identify a couple of run-on sentences and explain how they affect the flow and readability of the paragraph.
Furthermore, your analysis on the level of detail and descriptiveness is valid. To improve your paragraph, you could expand on this by explaining how a more detailed and descriptive writing style would have enhanced the effectiveness of the paragraph. Providing examples or suggesting specific areas where the writer could have provided more detail can strengthen your analysis.
Lastly, remember to focus on the writing rather than the opinions presented. This means avoiding subjective judgments about the content or personal beliefs of the author. Instead, focus on the style, structure, and language choices that contribute to the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of the paragraph.
By incorporating these suggestions, your paragraph will become more coherent, focused, and persuasive in analyzing the effectiveness of the paragraph's writing style.