Essay help :)

Here is my essay:


All About The Greek Wars

War is a devastating human activity, one that hurts populations, destroys property, and destroys political and social structures for places where humans live. The history of mankind has been a history of warfare to a great extent, and few civilizations have been able to avoid war for long. At certain points in history war has been helpful as a glorious effort to promote a social or political agenda, while at other times society has frowned on war and has resorted to it only when all else fails. The world of ancient Greece produced some of the most important philosophical concepts in human history, ideas that have continued to be talked about to this day. Yet, the Greeks as well were subject to war both with outside forces and among themselves. An example of the a important war was the Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta, an event that had major consequences for the development of the ancient world.


What I need help with: Could somebody give me an idea onto how to continue on with this essay? Give me links to find more infromation?

Thanks!

-Allyson

asked by Allyson
  1. Most of your first paragraph is vague, trite, and even silly. Your last two sentences sounds like an introduction. Frankly, I am wondering if you are writing on Greek wars (and consequences), or war in general.

    If you want to make a connection, I think you might focus on what the issues in the Greek Wars were, how they were "resolved", and consequences.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=greek+wars&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

    posted by bobpursley
  2. You need to start over! DON'T start any paper's first draft by writing the introduction! How can you introduce a paper that you haven't written yet?

    Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or whatever:

    Prewriting: Brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement

    Writing: Write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write the introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.

    Polishing: Revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)

    Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?

    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html#org
    from http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html

    http://www.angelfire.com/wi/writingprocess/

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
    Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.

    posted by Writeacher
  3. This is the introduction paragraph, I needed some links to continue on the essay..

    posted by Allyson
  4. I repeat --

    DON'T start any paper's first draft by writing the introduction! How can you introduce a paper that you haven't written yet?

    posted by Writeacher

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