Please check my paragraph and tell me if I need to add more. I am supposed to write a paragraph which sustains iron tone. Thannks!
Being organized shows a lack of creativity. It spumes boring, takes time and doesn’t come naturally for others. Disorganized people tend to work more efficiently when things are little messy. Also being organized hinders people from expanding their creativities since they focus on being neat.
It would help if you proofread your question before posting it.
I have no idea what an "iron tone" is. What is "spumes"?
It seems like you are confusing being organized with having an obsessive-compulsive disorder. The latter is much more extreme.
I agree with PsyDAG about all his comments.
You are also writing in generalizations. If you don't correct this, you are writing that all "disorganized people" tend to work efficiently, that being organized hinders all "people" from expanding creativity, etc.
Really? You checked? All these people in the world??
http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/fallacies.html#5
To check your paragraph for possible additions, we need to assess its overall coherence and supporting evidence. Additionally, maintaining an iron (firm, resolute) tone throughout the paragraph is important. Let's analyze your paragraph and consider potential areas that could benefit from further information or development:
"Being organized shows a lack of creativity." While this assertion sets the tone, it would be beneficial to provide supporting examples or evidence that demonstrates how being organized can stifle creativity. Consider mentioning specific instances where creativity was hindered due to organization or situations where disorganization enhanced creativity.
"It spumes boring, takes time, and doesn’t come naturally for others." To provide a stronger argument, you can elaborate further on how and why being organized may be perceived as boring or time-consuming. Explaining why it doesn't come naturally for some individuals could enhance your point. Consider discussing different personality traits or working styles that may make organization a challenge for certain people.
"Disorganized people tend to work more efficiently when things are a little messy." You could add specific evidence or examples that support this claim. Explore situations where a slight disarray actually led to increased efficiency or enhanced creative thinking. Additionally, it could be useful to acknowledge the potential drawbacks or limitations of working in a messy environment to maintain a balanced argument.
"Also, being organized hinders people from expanding their creativities since they focus on being neat." This statement could be expanded by clarifying how being focused on neatness restricts creativity. Elaborate on specific ways in which an emphasis on organization limits the ability to explore new ideas, think outside the box, or take risks. Providing examples or discussing different creative processes can strengthen your argument.
Remember to maintain a firm and confident tone throughout your paragraph to sustain the iron tone. Consider incorporating evidence, examples, and further elaboration to support your point of view effectively.