Please correct my english!
Hello everybody!
I'm not an english speaker, but currently study english at school. Our homework is to write an english dissertation. But before it, we should give the teacher the detailed plan. It's noted, so I will be very thankfull if someone can correct mine before I give it to my teacher. I'd like you to correct my grammar, but any idea will also appreciated.
Here's it :
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Topic : How can army protect environment ?
Thesis statement :
Environment protection, biodiversity restoring, renewable energie, and fight against global warning : these expressions are too recent and often wrongly interchanged in daily life so that they are worth defining. Nowadays, developed contry armies are introducing such initiatives in their policy, while poor countries do not undertake nothing about. These actions are very effiscent to limit environment degradation especially for countries that use such policies, but still remain insignificant to radically stop the current environment deterioration.
Detailed and comprehensive outline :
Introduction : short presentation of my ivestigation : (via internet, what I see in France, What I perceived in Indonesia). The plan of the research.
Body :
I- Can army save biodiversity ?
a)Reminding of the interest of saving biodiversity : technical explanation, the threat.
b)What actions are army undertaking now ?
The reduction of nuclear activity since the end of the II WW.
Case of French army : protection of wild animals and plants, green area inside many bases.
Case of USA :
protection of wild animals and plants, green area inside many bases.
The importance of its engagement in the previous 10 years.
Case of developping countries ( The example of Indonesia and other countries) : insufficiency and even lack of initiative
II- What can army do to reduce “global warning” and what about renewable energy use ?
a)Reminding : what generate global warning ? / why are renewable energies necessary ? : technical explanation.
b)What policy do army manage ?
Short remind of nuclear activity reduction, said above)
Use of alternative energy sources: renewable energy :
Case of French army : use of electric car in many base / Use of electric train.
Case of the US army : use of animals in war instead of overspending energy vehicles (dolphins, seal, and dogs).
Case of India : expecting to use military electric vehicles
c)What about developping countries :
nothing undertaken due to low level of technology
Elementary responsbilitie :
Fire extinguishing
Supplying gendarms and policeman in the accomplishment of directives published by the environment ministry
On the contrary : they live by destroying environment like civil people do.
III- Do our current actions and the current military initiatives lead us to a better world environment ?
a)Case of developping countries : the response is “no” : environment is not an army preoccupation at all. “There is a ministry for it” they say.
b)Case of developped countries :
Assessment of the environment initiative : generally positif result if we try to guess “what would happen in case army do not mind about environment at all?”
But these initiatives are like a bullet in a ocean :
A very small use of alternative energy : statistics and numbers
Polutating actions preponderancy : case of the offshore drilling explosion, case of the two important nuclear meltdowns (Tree Mile Island, and Chernobyl)
Global and world initiatives are still missing, and seem difficult to build : COPENHAG meeting unsuccess.
Conclusion :
Contrast between developped and developping countries
The importance of the recent counscientiousness about the environment protection by army
Assessment of these initiatives : a general good result but also many limits.
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Thanks a lot.
Topic: How can the a country's army protect the environment?
Thesis statement:
Environmental protection, biodiversity restoration, renewable energy, and fight against global warning -- these expressions are too recent, often wrongly interchanged in daily life, and are worth defining. Nowadays, developed countries' armies are introducing such initiatives<~~what are "such initiatives"? in their policies, while poor countries do not undertake anything. These actions are very effiscent to limit environmental degradation, especially for countries that use such policies, but still remain insignificant to radically stop the current environment deterioration. <~~All this is your introduction, not simply the thesis statement, which should be ONE SENTENCE. The last sentence is extremely vague. There is no specific thesis statement here. See links below about how to write GOOD thesis statements.
Thesis statement help:
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
and
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
Correction: "How can the/a country's army..."
You need to be specific here. It looks as if you need to work on the use of articles (a, an, the) in English, which (admittedly) is not easy. But you need to work on it.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/useartic.html
Hello everybody!
I am not an English speaker, but currently studying English at school. Our homework is to write an English dissertation. Before that, we have to give our teacher a detailed plan. I would be really thankful if someone could correct mine before I give it to my teacher. I would like you to correct my grammar, but any ideas would also be appreciated.
Here it is:
----------------------
Topic: How can the army protect the environment?
Thesis statement:
Expressions like environment protection, biodiversity restoration, renewable energy, and fight against global warming are often used interchangeably in daily life, but they need to be clearly defined. Nowadays, developed countries' armies are implementing such initiatives in their policies, while poor countries are not doing anything about it. These actions are effective in limiting environmental degradation, especially for countries that adopt such policies. However, they are still not significant enough to completely stop the current environmental deterioration.
Detailed and comprehensive outline:
Introduction: Brief presentation of my investigation (via the internet, what I have observed in France, what I have perceived in Indonesia). Presentation of the research plan.
Body:
I. Can the army save biodiversity?
a) Reminding the importance of saving biodiversity: providing technical explanation and discussing the threats.
b) What actions are armies undertaking now?
- Discussing the reduction of nuclear activity since World War II.
- Case of the French army: protection of wild animals and plants, establishment of green areas in many bases.
- Case of the US army: protection of wild animals and plants, establishment of green areas in many bases. Emphasizing the importance of their engagement in the past 10 years.
- Case of developing countries (e.g., Indonesia and others): insufficient or lack of initiatives.
II. What can the army do to reduce global warming and promote the use of renewable energy?
a) Reminding: discussing the causes of global warming and why renewable energies are necessary, providing technical explanation.
b) What policies do armies implement?
- Briefly revisiting the reduction of nuclear activity mentioned above.
- Use of alternative energy sources: renewable energy.
- Case of the French army: use of electric cars in many bases, use of electric trains.
- Case of the US army: use of animals in war instead of energy-consuming vehicles (e.g., dolphins, seals, and dogs).
- Case of India: plans to use military electric vehicles.
c) What about developing countries?
- No initiatives due to the low level of technology.
- Basic responsibilities: fire extinguishing, support to police forces in implementing directives from the environment ministry.
- On the contrary, they contribute to environmental destruction, similar to civilians.
III. Do our current actions and military initiatives lead to a better world environment?
a) Case of developing countries: the response is "no," as the environment is not a priority for their armies. They often claim, "There is a ministry for that."
b) Case of developed countries:
- Assessing the environmental initiatives: generally positive results when considering the alternative scenario of not considering the environment at all.
- However, these initiatives are like a drop in the ocean:
- Limited use of alternative energy: presenting statistics and numbers.
- Prevalence of polluting actions: discussing offshore drilling explosion and two major nuclear meltdowns (Three Mile Island and Chernobyl).
- Global initiatives are still lacking and seem challenging to establish, as seen in the unsuccessful COP15 meeting.
Conclusion:
Highlighting the contrast between developed and developing countries.
Underlining the recent awareness of environmental protection by the army.
Evaluating these initiatives: overall positive results, but with several limitations.
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Thanks a lot.